Today (March 27) when I came home from my day at Godet, I melted into Chris' arms. I completely cried my eyes out. I'd had all I could take and it finally spilled over. (I mean, that's scripture! I don't know why I was surprised.) It's just too hard without Brynna to try to provide any amount of structure or nurture that the 16 kids at the Center need from me. 
My alarm went off and my day started with the voices of David Crowder and Emmylou Harris perfectly blended singing to me, "I need my sweet Lord's help, today." The thing about homemade ringtones and homemade alarms on my phone is that you can only use so much of the song. The blend of their voices desperately crying out for His help is beautiful. But, it only repeats that same line over and over, "I need my sweet Lord's help, today." I wish that I would have carried the entire song in my heart all day long. But, I didn't.
I called Merilus, my moto man, and heard him "beep, beep" just a couple minutes later. He must've been very close. Chris walked me down and helped me communicate to Merilus that I needed to first go to the Godet Center and pick up Ednell then take him to the Chances 4 Children's Campus to visit his brother, Ezekiel, who has been placed there because of his health crisis - sickle cell enemia. Chris did a wonderful job of communicating in Kreyole and Merilus understood completely.
Merilus tries to speak English some and I try to speak Kreyole some with him. Sometimes we crack each other up. On the ride to the Center we bypassed a huge mud puddle, so I thought I'd try to say the word for mud.
"LAboule?" I said.
"LaBOUle," he said.
I tried again, "la-boo-al"
We both laughed. I tried. Just can't get that perfect Haitian accent down. Hey! At least I remembered the word for mud!
When I got to the Center we were greeted by Madame Delcarme and her sister who had pitched a table at the top of the stairs and were selling common items needed nearby in small amounts. Onions, maggies, pasta, cold cocas, cold juice and waters, rice, sugar, choclate bars, veggies I don't recognize, garlic, and other random items can be found. I asked if Ednell was ready to go. (I had texted the night before to let everyone know that I'd be picking him up and taking him to see Ezekiel. I texted in English because I'd rather not communicate something crazy. And they understood! He was all clean and spiffed up. Had a belt on and new shoes and looked nice. The kids were holding him back. They wanted to go, too. It wasn't "fair" that he got to go. I strapped the helmet on him and he boarded the moto between me and Merilius. I could feel that his shirt was still wet. It must've been cleaned, but not had time to actually dry. It was cloudy yesterday.
I held on for dear life because I was in the back sitting on the metal. As we climbed the mountain and went down the mountain I couldn't decide which was easiest on my back. It was all hard. When we made it to the gate I was able to greet Kathi who is the founder of Chances 4 Children. She introduced me to her friends Abbie and Dixie who I'd heard a lot about. Dixie's been in country for a very long time and has a fabulous reputation with all things related to adoption. So, it was an honor to shake her hand.
We made it in to see Ezekiel after trying to communicate with the lady upfront. She told me where to go, but I didn't have any idea what she was talking about. She led us to the classroom where Ezekiel was working a puzzle with 3 other little guys. The older kids were playing twister and having lots of fun. They were very organized and kept the kids hopping from one activity to another. I was very impressed with the Haitian teacher. It wasn't "school", but it was organized. It's spring break this week... and next!? Strange! This is one reason I think my day went downhill. The kids are going stir crazy...
The boys got a few hours to hang out and have fun and then Ednell and I returned to the Center. When we returned I was greeted immediately with the news that the water was finished. Are you kidding me? Why didn't you text me or call and let me know? (I thought and I'm sure they saw in my face as my jaw dropped). A few times ago we had to pay extra for a water truck because the water truck people were in high demand... dry season. We had a long talk about watching for signs of when it may be getting close to being empty and letting me know as soon as we see the first signs. That talk was useless.
After I greeted Madame Delcarme, Madame Monique, Madame Jacqueline and Madame Jeanine appropriately and they saw my frustration I went to the classroom to put my backpack and moto helmet up and start thinking about what I may do with the rest of my day on the hill. I called the kids in class by class and let them play with toys and games. Most of them begged to color. So, I let them. As long as they were sitting on the bench coloring they weren't making a mess to (wait for them to) clean up! And my patience was already wearing thin. I was bombarded with complaint after complaint, and need after need.
"Madame Jenn...
I need a new choir uniform,
I need new shoes,
we are out of medicine for "grip" (runny nose)
we need this,
we need that,
I need a pencil,
"I need socks for I can wear to church",
I need a notebook,
give me mamba (peanut butter)
give me this
give me that
give me..."
They were pulling on me, pushing me, pinching me and literally laying all over me. They were starved for attention. Starved for affection. Desiring nothing more than a taste of unconditional love. They were out of school for one week already and have another one to go! Good grief - who makes the school schedule!? Ridiculousness. They were just out last month for "Karnival" for an entire week.
I gave the ladies money to get Natacha a new choir uniform, but needed change. So, after talking for almost 30 minutes about the change (250 goudes), I asked Jude to go get me a piece of paper and pencil so I could show them. The joys of speaking another language. Natacha was unhappy and had her arms folded and her nose up in the air the entire time. Madame Delcarme patiently listened and completely understood what to do with the remaining money. I gave 1,000 goude bill (because I didn't have any change to give her just 750) and then they were to use 150 goudes to buy everyone a nice piece of bread to put peanut butter on and leave 100 goudes for the moto to carry Madame Jacqueline and Natacha to the taylor to deal with the choir uniform. Zapped another slice of what little energy or patience I had left...
I walked out of the classroom to take a video of baby Ann walking to send to Erin (who had served 2 years at the Center) and when I returned (literally 3 feet!) I found that one of the girls had gotten into my backpack and was looking through papers. And I caught another one in the act of taking a handful of hand sanitizer from my backpack supply. That's where I went to the edge. They've never ever disrespected my backpack. Ever. They were out of control. I had been gone with teams for two weeks and then they had been off of school for a week and the rubber hit the road. The fingernails hit the chalkboard. The water started boiling over. And then the dog started screaming. I ran out to look at her and she couldn't put any pressure on her right front paw. None. She was limping and crying and wouldn't stop crying.
That is indeed one of the hardest parts of living here. Because I have the "gift of mercy" I hear animals crying, screaming, squeeling in pain all day long. At all times of the day and night. I don't think a solid hour every goes by that I don't hear an animal in pain OR one that SOUNDS like it's in pain. I realize that there are plenty of times that their are goats and pigs that are screaming for no good reason, but it still breaks my heart. In. A. Million. Pieces.
Anderson was working a puzzle. I had tried to help him by showing him the straight edges and how they were the outline of the picture. He didn't like my attempt to help. A couple minutes later I noticed he had given up on one puzzle and pulled out another one to work. I told him he should have picked up the first puzzle before he dumped out the second puzzle. He mocked me. Under his breath without looking at me, he mocked me. He squinted up his little nose and mouth, cocked his head just a little bit and mocked me. I just wanted to cry. But, I didn't.
I announced that we had only 5 minutes left and then we'd have to pack everything back in it's place for the day. I needed to go back home and find money to pay for the water truck. What I really needed was some peace. Some reassurance that the efforts I put in were worth it. Because I felt like pretty much a failure in communicating and providing. It's a big job and I don't know how Erin did it. She lived there! I get to go home and breathe in "fresh air" and "silence" at my home. At least I have a safe place to call home.
As I left the classroom, I ran into Francious. He greeted me with a holy kiss and hug or two. And was delighted to see me even though I'm not sure that "delighted" is translated in Kreyole. He was very happy to see me. He gave me a receipt that I was missing and filled me in on the team that had visited last week and all the peanut butter that they brought. "Anpil, anpil, anpil." He was so thrilled with the toothbrushes, too. We communicated roughly and I promised to return tomorrow to let the Center get some "facetime" with Erin.
Merilus walked down to greet the kids and they bombarded him, too. Tugging and pulling on him. They just need. Need. Need. As we rode down the mountain to home, I took in the view and thanked God that He put me here for this season. You can't get much of a greater view from up there. You can see all the way to the runway of the airport! You can see the ocean. It's just gorgeous. You can't help but see all the farmers on the mountainsides working from sun up to sun down. And then I'm reminded that there are families who won't eat tonight because there hasn't been enough rain... just within a stone's throw of where I live. So, what do I have to complain about? really!?
After Chris let me "let it all out" I regained my composure and decided to press on. Tomorrow's a new day. And I'm ready to start a new day carrying the entire song in my heart as Jesus carries me through the day:
"...My sweet Lord, desperately
I am alone, and afraid to be
My love is gone, so far away
I need my sweet Lord's help today
Let Your love shine down on me
And light the way to be
Oh and these are the words that I pray
I need my sweet Lord's help today
Blind is the fool, I see that now
I broke the rules, and let You down
I walked alone, now I have run dry
I need my sweet Lord's help tonight
Let Your love shine down on me
And light the way to be
Oh and these are the words that I pray
I need my sweet Lord's help today
I need my sweet Lord's help today"
