"Please Send Someone Else To Do It"

Today I was on my journey and studied a little in Exodus 3 and 4. And I found myself speechless. I have been given an opportunity this next year to "risk the ocean" as me. Not the entire Ward family like usual, but me. Just me. Jen. Jen is about to risk the ocean all by herself. And I've spent years denying who God created me to be. I've spent decades squelched by voices from the past that simply spit on my flame. (Definitely not talking about my parents here, although I know that generally that's where blame seems to get pointed, but not here.) And I don't want to point fingers anywhere specifically, but that's exactly what happened to me as a young child. Somehow I heard and embraced the voice(s) that I was not good enough. I was not smart enough. I was not able to be what I was... created to be. Sure, I had other voices who spoke into my life, including my parents who prayed for me, over me and constantly taught me right from wrong and gave me all the tools I needed to pursue righteousness. But, you know how some voices are louder than others... Here are the words today that stopped me dead in my tracks:

10 But Moses said to the Lord, “Oh, my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue.”11 Then the Lord said to him, “Who has made man's mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the Lord? 12 Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak.” 13 But he said, “Oh, my Lord, please send someone else.” Exodus 4:10-13English Standard Version (ESV)

Whose voice are you listening to today? And what are they saying to you? Don't waste your life living on a foundation of voices that are faulty! What is the Lord been doing in your heart? And what has been your response to Him? Please take a minute or two or three and invite the Lord into your ocean. Ask Him to show you how He's wanting to use you. Ask Him to make it clear what he wants you to be about this coming year. And please don't respond like Moses and I have for so many years, "please send someone else to do it." Embrace grace! Embrace who He created you to be. Trash the lies. Okay? And REPLY even if only to say you took a few minutes to listen to Him, ask, trash the lies and embrace the Truth!

That lil Something That Changed Everything

We didn't know that lil something
that changed everything
when we took this photo!

November of 2015 on a Thursday afternoon, I think, we sat in Pastor Kevin’s office in a meeting. I’ll never forget the rush it was for me to get there on time. We were so excited to host our friend Justin for dinner and I had gotten everything to make some good homemade chili and cornbread. We had been trying to find a few hours to catch up with him and the time had finally come. I had to run upstairs to the break room and temporarily store the refrigerated stuff during the meeting. I remember Kevin starting with small talk asking what we were doing this weekend. I replied still a little out of breath, “we are FINALLY going to get our Texas driver’s licenses” and explained the many reasons it had taken us so long to get to this point. Biggest reason being our missing “important papers” that we finally found buried in storage. I remember his laugh at my determination. Leah, his wife, then knocked on the door and peeked in with, “hey I was downstairs when a couple entered the building asking for some help on an issue in their lives and it is in regards to Living Hope. I asked them to have a seat in your office while I tried to find you.” Chris was up and out of his seat ready to greet and walk through some potentially very heavy topics with this couple. I was standing in the office saying, “wait… don’t you think we should really pray about this before we go in there. Are we really prepared for this?” Leah kept walking and Chris followed. I am pretty sure Kevin was laughing really hard on the inside watching us in two totally different modes. Chris ready to conquer and me very unsure of what lay ahead. But, I followed my husband down the hallway and into his office to find our beautiful daughter and son-in-law sitting at the table! I know I punched Kevin or at least tried. I’m still not sure why I did that. I didn’t think I was a punching kind. But, it’s on video. The surprise of seeing two of our kids here in Texas without any notice was beyond explaination! What joy filled our souls! They were in for a long weekend. They had found a super deal on flights and Kevin and Leah and Brynna worked together to make all this SURPRISE possible.

Chris was set to preach Sunday on the main stage for the first time at our new church and we were pretty excited. Kevin told us to go home and enjoy the rest of the day off and not to come back till then. So, we did! We showed the kids around the church a little bit and then went home. When we got back to the house on SouthHampton Lane we were given a greeting card announcing that we were expecting a little firecracker on July 4th. A what? A baby! The Lord had seen fit to knit together in our daughter’s womb a precious little one. Wow! That night my prayer life changed forever. I had occasionally prayed for my children’s future children, but now I had knowledge that our first daughter was growing a tiny human in her little belly! And that tiny human was a new budding leaf on our family tree. A leaf to be treasured and trained up in life. We would find out around Valentine’s day what this tiny human’s gender was. And we were thrilled either way, but it is a boy! 

We enjoyed that “long” weekend that felt really short when it was over to the fullest fullness. We took them to all the important places we knew of and loved here in our little tiny part of Texas. We took pics to announce our expectancy of our lil firecracker. As we put them back on the plane to Louisville, we knew they’d very shortly fly to India for a mission trip over Thanksgiving week. It was different now that there were three of them letting them go. It was harder. There was more at risk. And we began to realize that the Ward Family Risking the Ocean experience had just taken on a whole new meaning. Even though this little guy would be a Matthews, he has Ward in him and Whitt and Daniels and Cobb. He had an entire legacy from which he was growing. And we know he is going to make a mark on this world. We are praying that he will grow up in the knowledge of the Lord and will love, honor and obey Him with abandon all the days of his life. To know Him and make Him known.

In what way(s) have you been surprised? Just when you think you have your weekend plans set and something changes everything...no matter how big or small... what do you do? We hope that any surprises that have come your way have been good surprises or that you've been able to see how God worked it or is working it all together to bring Him glory.  

Home is Where Your Heart Is?

"They say that where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.  

And your heart stays where you hide your greatest love" 

by Gary Chapman (singer/songwriter)

What is YOUR greatest love?

Did you REALLY think we'd fallen off the side of the earth? Some days it truly felt like we had. We have begun to dig into the rich, healthy soil in Texas and start to grow roots again. Those roots we pulled up that were 16 and a half years deep with the Bowden family and 14 years with our Ormsby Heights faith family seemed to never surface as we pulled them up and out. They were thick and solid. But, we've jumped in and made a couple friends within our new faith family. We've joined a Small Group that meets weekly. We've launched the Living Hope Houston ministry that we came here to serve with and we meet weekly. It is a joy and an honor to learn to love the L G B T Q + community better and walk with those who are seeking relational and sexual wholeness. 

We finally moved out from Myra's home and have our own (rented) place. If you want to send us a piece of snail mail - just ask! We LOVE getting mail! We love the house that has become our home. Our backyard view is of mature trees across the street and it's peaceful. We miss Myra and Disco (the pug!) for sure and are incredibly thankful for how the Lord so graciously placed them in our lives. We would not be where we are now without that safe place to come to and walk through the darkest days of our lives. Ever. We are forever grateful for Myra and her generosity. And for the constant sunshine she radiates (or should I say "Sonshine" - well, either way, you get the drift!).

Lately, Chris has experienced much success in his dreadful journey through Fluoroquinolone Toxicity (because there is no other way around it - gotta go through it). He has found a new "normal" and learned how to embrace it. And we like it. He's found joy in every day things once again. His "old" personality has gradually emerged. In the process, he has changed some. But, honestly, in ways we never thought possible. He's become more aware of details in life. (Which I NEVER thought he would!) His administrative score in life has gone from a C- to an A+. What wife wouldn't be happy with that change? We praise the Lord for all He has held us and carried us through. We are beyond blessed. Beyond!

Also, or maybe I should say "ALAS" Chris has earned his Master's Degree from Liberty University. He began this long journey back in 2001 at Southern Seminary in Louisville. He has accomplished so very much in his 50 years on earth, but I still believe the greatest gift he has given to this world is the blood, sweat and tears he put into raising his three children while working full time in ministry and loving me. He did it all without holding back and cheerfully and quietly served. They are his greatest accomplishments. Their very lives reflect glimpses of their father and in turn their (and his) Father. 

I've had several different people ask us, "how can you live so very far away from your grandchild who is due soon?" Call me naive, but it continues to shock me when confronted with that question. We already surrendered a long time ago to serve where He plants us. When we moved to Nashville and Haiti those were very long discussions we had with the Lord. "Are You sure we can handle this? Being so many miles apart from the Ward party of 5... and then 6 (Quinton)... and then 7 (Katie) and now the Ward party of EIGHT (baby due July 4 - we call him "Firecracker")." And the Lord gave us SUPER sweet blocks of time with our missed family. He really seems to bless the time we DO have now. He multiplies the benefit of time spent. We communicate in a group iMessage almost daily with the Ward party of 7. On my phone the conversation is named, "Fam-Bam" and we communicate big and little things. Sometimes we just say "selfie checkin!" and everyone sends a pic of what they're doing currently. So, even though we are a little over 800 miles apart (as the crow flys), we can "feel" like we're somewhat part of each other's every day life. 

There's this "thing" that we are all commanded to do - no matter which side of it we're on it hurts - it's called "leave and cleave." Whether we were the ones back in 1990 leaving our parents' homes or now the parents watching our kids start their own families - it hurts to go through the biblically correct process. It hurts, but it is good. It is the way God intended families and life. And we could NOT be more thrilled and thankful for the godly mates two of our children have chosen to leave us and cleave to as they begin their own family. Now, we've still got one at home and pray for the choices that she'll make over these next few years.

But, we're about to be jumping head over heels in love with our first grandbaby and I'm certain, no, I'm BEYOND certain it'll hurt like nobody's business when we leave the celebration of his birth to return to Texas and a new "normal". I know it will. But, we trust that the Lord will continue to bless and bond us even when we're so far apart. And we trust that the Lord will provide just what we each need. There's no place we'd rather be, than there where He is planting us.

How are you? How's your family? What is God teaching you these days? We'd REALLY like to know! Please comment or e-mail us! Or seriously, we live in the states now - CALL us! He's teaching us that He is more than enough. Let it be said of us that we were obedient even when it didn't exactly feel good or make sense. Listen to this ole song and "feel" what we feel. This is a song that has been a treasure for us for the past 26 years.

Chris can be reached at 5223368 at gmail.com
Jen can be reached at HeisIAMiamnot at gmail.com
Brynna can be reached at iambrynnakathryn at gmail.com

No Turning Back, No Turning Back

Here's Chris' notes from the eulogy he gave at Nabeel's funeral. I've made sentences in spots so that it is an easier read and in some spots, just left it as is. 

Over 15 years ago… It was July 1, 1999. God led my family and I here as Associate Pastor/Minister to Students.

We came about a month earlier for a traditional Southern Baptist Church "Trial Weekend." On Sunday Morning in sunday School (after spending much of Saturday hanging out with students and their parents) we were trying to learn names and faces.

How could we even begin to forget his name! It was no Matt, Mark, Luke or John kind of name... it was Abraham Nabeel El-farrah! There were plenty of other "middle names" that he would tell us as the years went by, but he spared us that initial weekend.

As we walked around the room greeting students, there sat Nabeel. We had met him briefly the day before. He said to me, "I'll be you don't remember my name" as he flashed that nervous smile.

Without skipping a beat, because my wife had just prepped me in the hallway, I said, "good morning Nabeel!"

Something happened that day when I looked him in the eye…and said his name. We just hit it off…just clicked….God was up to something with the two of us.

And it wasn't long.....before I found Nabeel sitting in my office as we had long talks and times of prayer together. Volunteering to help with anything that was needed around the Church

Joy and Mahamad, I know you got tired of hearing about this Chris Guy…and you took a chance to let him hang out with me so much.

We'd listen to movie line quotes….Sometimes he would catch me off guard and it would take me a minute to get that he was quoting a movie….and man would we laugh together….Until the day that God called me to serve in Haiti….we would have those moments weekly …where we would be on-stage leading worship (or some formal situation where we couldn’t laugh out loud) and someone we say something that brought up a move line or a inside joke….and we would just look over at each other….and we both knew that as soon as the meeting or worship service ended…..there was some laughter headed our way…

It wasn't long until.....I saw Nabeel grow in his Faith in Jesus Christ by leaps and bounds…. and I watched as he learned to play the drums. Folks…when we gathered together….this brand new “Praise Band” - Nabeel had but one drum beat…..one….every song that we tried to see if we could play together as a band…..One beat…one rhythm……..It was hilarious…every song …sounded the same…I can describe that beat to you this morning…..LOUD

Steven Curtis Chapman's song “Live Out Loud":

"
Try to keep a bird from singing after 
it's soared up in the sky 
Give the sun a cloudless day and tell
it not to shine. Think about this 
If we really have been given the gift 
of life that will never end. 


And if we have been filled with living
 hope, we're gonna overflow 
And if God's love is burning in our
 hearts, we're gonna glow. 
There's just no way to keep it in. Every corner of creation is a living declaration. 
Come join the song we were made to sing."

And....it wasn't long until  I Found Nabeel singing all the time… Even though He helped me with Student Ministry (taught SS faithfully…etc.) his passion was worship…..and it sweated out his pores….

God had gifted him to lead others to the throne of grace…..and it brought him the greatest joy.

I met Chris Tomlin several years ago at a youth conference. Bought his book and asked him to sign the front of it as a gift to Nabeel. Chris Tomlin must have had a little twitch as he was signing it because instead of - “Nabeel, Always Worship Him” it read, “Mabeel, Always Worship Him.” I figured Nabeel wouldn’t notice, he'd just be thrilled with the book and Chris Tomlin signing it for him! He looked at it and immediately said "who is Mabeel?

Chris Tomlin writes…..

“Made to Worship”

Before the day

Before the light

Before the world revolved around the sun

God on high

Stepped down into time

And wrote the story of His love for everyone

He has filled our hearts with wonder

So that we always remember

You and I were made to worship

You and I are called to love

You and I are forgiven and free

When you and I embrace surrender

When you and I choose to believe

Then you and I will see who we were meant to be

All we are

And all we have

Is all a gift from God that we receive

Brought to life

We open up our eyes

To see the majesty and glory of the King

He has filled our hearts with wonder

So that we always remember

Even the rocks cry out

Even the heavens shout

At the sound of His Holy name

So let every voice sing out

Let every knee bow down

He is worthy of all our praise

You and I were made to worship!!!!!!"

Nabeel was ready to worship, to sing, to play the drums for his Jesus…..anytime….anywhere.

I remember the time that we took the Youth to WV mission trip. He jumped up front to join a tight laced service "Chris, should I go play my drum to help them out?" I whispered "no, you better not" Well, I guess I mumbled because he jumped right up and in to their 3 piece worship team...

The definition of “Passion” is to be strong and barely controllable emotion. Now, that's not really a word that described Nabeel - "controllable" - he could not hide his love!

He had passion. No one can deny that.

Romans 1:16

"For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes..."

He was passionate about the truth he found in a relationship with Jesus Christ

Singer Songwriter, Rich Mullins wrote:

"I believe in God the Father, 
Almighty Maker of Heaven and Maker of Earth. 
And in Jesus Christ His only begotten Son our Lord. 


And I believe what I believe is what makes me what I am. 
I did not make it. No it is making me. 
It is the very truth of God and not the invention of any man."

That’s what Nabeel was passionate about….Following Jesus!!!

As many of you know….Nabeel went on several mission trips to Haiti

He loved the people of Haiti….

He loved to serve them and help them…and use the gifts and talents God gave him…in Haiti

They loved him!!! They still ask now as we are living in Haiti, "when is the drummer coming back?"

He loved to sing this in Haiti

"I have decided to Follow Jesus-

Mwen te decide pou suiv le Senye

Mwen te decide pou suiv le Senye

Mwen te decide pou suiv le Senye

Mwen pap tounin, mwen pap tounin

Mwen pap tounin, mwen pap tounin

Non, non mwen pap tounin"

No turning back, no turning back!

Lest We Not Forget

Brynna, Chris and I purchased these rings to wear to be constant reminders of the depths of despair we tasted beginning in late August and that we have been attempting to crawl out of ever since... (If you missed it and want the details - read about it here.) We vowed to never forget the deep darkness that we found ourselves in.

We have been wanting to give you an update on where we are CURRENTLY - and seeing as it's January already - I must apologize for not getting Christmas cards out like we intended! The hands of time just kept ticking away. We were able to have our entire family together on Christmas Day! What a BLESSING that was! All under one roof - including our lil "firecracker" we are expecting in July - baby Matthews (Rachael and Quinton are expecting a July 4th baby)!! It's a whole NEW year and we are looking forward to great things! 

The year 2015 brought us through probably the highest peaks and deepest valleys of our lives to date (literally, figuratively and... REALLY). No matter where we were along the journey of 2015 we sensed His presence with us. It never felt like we were far from God. He always felt near. We don't live on "feelings" but it sure was nice to feel Him with us! Although, it didn't make much sense what we were going through, we continued "to put one foot in front of the other" and now we're diving right in to this new year and new adventure with MUCH hope. 

Health wise at this point, we are doing another 28 Day Experiment like we did back in 2012. We are consuming only whole foods, plants based. We are on day four. All three of us. I'm specifically looking to clean out my heart again and improve my cholesterol. We also joined a gym. We are exercising every other day. We will have to come up with a long term plan in February (at least adding in some fish). (When we did this in 2012 my cholesterol started at 275 and ended at 125 after 28 days.)  Read more about the Forks over Knives/Engine 2 lifestyle here.

As far as Chris and his health, he's doing much, much better. But, we won't know any time soon the full consequences of his anti-biotic poisoning. Lest we not forget, he is taking eleven different supplements daily and a shot weekly (yeah, like with a needle) to help him return to a full balance in his body. His total health doctor, Dr. John Johnston is working hard with him to achieve this. With this whole foods plants based food plan he's trying to find a balance that excludes gluten. It's hard. Some days he experiences fogginess or even added adrenaline, but we are finding that it may well have everything to do with the food he puts in his body. Because there are SO many different variables, it's hard to pinpoint exactly what causes setbacks. But, we are determined to be more diligent in this new year to keep a close eye out for clues.

Brynna is working full time at Fry's Electronics and has enrolled for a couple more college classes. She has been offered promotions, but it earnestly seeking what the Lord would have her do.

We are so enjoying diving in deep to Living Hope and the ministry that God has called us to. We've been busy meeting with people who want to be involved in all different capacities when we launch the weekly meetings next month. It's a joy to be able to share in their journeys with Christ as we learn and grow together.

"I'm gonna put one foot in front of the other. I don't need to know where You lead me. 'Cause You're in control no matter what's coming and on the second-guess, God, whatever You ask, I'll say 'Yes, yes, yes' I'll say, 'Yes, yes, yes'. Just call me and I'll go." from Josh Wilson's song "Say Yes"