I'm not gonna lie - these last 10 months have been extra tough on my heart & mind. As I have been approaching my 50th birthday, I have been trying to make sense of a lot of different things. My mom died suddenly in her 50s and so turning 50 doesn't feel very fluffy and soft or a cause for any celebration. It feels like a very hard swallow. Like when I could hardly swallow that gluten free graham cracker crust from the yummy cheesecake...
First, and foremost I am grateful that the Lord has given me fifty years on this earth. I don't deserve another breath not to mention the one I just took! But He continues to give me opportunities to live. And as long as He does - I'm going to try to be thankful for them. And live them for His glory. As my "outer self is wasting away, my inner self is being renewed day by day."
This past year especially I have known the most joy and the most sadness. I have known injustice like I never imagined. I have felt anger so deep and scary that I don't even know myself for that minute. On the other hand, we have welcomed two of the most beautiful gifts from God into our family - Canaan Jack and Margo Rey. We have watched Zion Elliott and Piper Quinn learn and grow every day! We have been forced to say the hardest of all goodbyes to Chris' mom, Pastor Rick (in Kentucky) and precious Merlinda. So, we have known joy and known sorrow sitting right beside each other. Yet neither took or borrowed from the other. They didn't cancel each other out. They just were there on the same days.
"Where there is pain, let us bring grace.
Where there is suffering, bring serenity.
For those afraid, let us be brave.
Where this is misery, let us bring them relief.
And surely we can change.
Surely we can change.
Oh, surely we can change... something." ~David Crowder
