Confessions... 15 days out

"Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart, since you have been born again, not of perishable seed but of imperishable, through the living and abiding word of God; for

“All flesh is like grass and all its glory like the flower of grass. 

The grass withers, and the flower falls, but the word of the Lord remains forever.”

And this word is the good news that was preached to you." I Peter 1

Confessions from our comfy couch in our basement in Nashville:

I'm afraid that our family and friends believe we love the beautiful people and country of Haiti enough to pack up our stuff and leave everyone behind. Because we don't. We love Jesus enough to pack up our stuff and leave everyone behind. He is the only reason.

I am scared out of my mind to live in a third world country for 115 days.

I don't know if I can take the heat. Literally. No A/C for 115 days. How will I live without ice cream or Chick-fil-a sauce?

I don't know how I'll put meals on the table to feed my family that they'll like. I'm scared to shop in the market. I'm scared to hire a Haitian woman to help. I'm afraid I'll miss having my own kitchen and living room with all MY stuff.

Will I go crazy hearing a different language all the time, everywhere I look and not understanding it?

I'm afraid I'll forget why we went to begin with.

I'm afraid I will go through a real withdrawal from not being able to stream K-Love all day every day.

I don't even know how to prepare to live in a third world country.

I'm afraid living in Haiti will put our daughter's life in danger AND on hold longer. Afraid she won't benefit from the University there and she'll be behind in college again by another half of a year.

I'm afraid I'll hate going to bed by 9 PM because it's dark and waking up before 6 AM with the roosters.

I'm very much afraid that we'll be robbed, stabbed, shot or killed at some point in our journey in Haiti.

I'm afraid if we are that our loved ones will then hate Haitians.

I'm sad that we gave up our two cats and two dogs for this JOURNEY. I miss them still every day with crocodile tears in my eyes when I think about them at all.

I'm afraid that I'm too old for this. I'm afraid of getting the Chikungunya virus and being a big baby. I'm afraid of getting any other disease that could be easily treated in America. I'm afraid I'll have health issues that will keep us from serving.

I'm sad that I'll miss 115 days of being able to jump in a car and drive to get to Rachael and Quinton, Josiah and Katie, Rick and Linda, Bethany and Micaiah, Greg and Tammy, Thomas, our Ormsby family, our Temple family.

I don't like it when people tell us we are being radical. I don't like it when people think we are special. 

I'm afraid you think I'm brave. 

I'm afraid I'll be the only one who doesn't want to go back after this initial trial period.

I'm afraid I will love it so much I will want to stay forever.

Thank you for skimming this blog OR for reading every single word. (Bless your hearts if you do!) Please know we are mere humans striving to be obedient to His call on our lives. Let us know how He is calling you to be brave in your JOURNEY. I promise I'll read every single word.