Something borrowed, something blue... or really "Everything borrowed, everything blue"

The Ward family has made it safely from our lil apartment on the mountain in Haiti to the airport and then to Miami and then Nashville with just minutes to spare even though we had over 4 hours of layover time "planned"... the day didn't play out the way it was "supposed" to... but, we walked in to the Young family home early, early Tuesday morning in White House, TN and laid our heads down and rested. First thing, Chris had some office work to do and the girls went to Genny's house to "borrow" a trunk load of winter clothes. We were QUITE happy. So, when you see us in our cute boots and puffy vests - you must know it's not our clothes - it's on loan from sweet Genny Dixon! We have 5 different styles and colors of cute boots between the two of us! What a treat! We even got warm gloves, hats and a purse! We are ready to hit the town! We made a couple stops in to Goodwill looking for more "checked bags" to carry back to Haiti. They take a beating every time they are jam packed with 50-70 lbs of supplies when we go. So, they can only survive SO many trips... before we need "new" ones. Very thankful for thrift stores!

We thoroughly enjoyed our few days with the Youngs including an "Acoustic Christmas" program Wednesday night and dinner with our small group from our "Church at Pleasant Grove" Thursday. Thank you Tammy Young for the perfect Christmas gift to us... a 2015 calendar with photos of all those we love on an 8 X 10 each month with birthdays included! Friday we got up and took Thomas with us on a quick trip to West Virginia to see my dad and fam. We were able to shop at the Barboursville Mall (and run in to an old friend from high school who reads the blog), eat Tudor's Biscuits and shared Jim's Spaghetti for lunch today at Uncle Dave and Aunt Cindy's house! What more could we ask for? We enjoyed seeing Gramps & Kaylene, Shelby, Skylar & Markus along with Tyler & Melissa and Whitney, oh, and Gracie, too!!

Now, we are snuggled up ready to sleep SOUND at Aunt Sandra's in Louisville looking forward to seeing our faith family at Ormsby Heights in the morning! Let the festivities continue! We look forward to catching a hug from everyone and all that this week will entail! 

I'm not going to lie - it is kinda hard living between two worlds... Haiti and the US... kinda like living between Heaven and Earth... longings that can't be explained, emotions that can't be contained, and plenty of questions yet to be answered. We're just going to just soak it all in. Because it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas! Merry Christmas to you! Do not forget that the reason for EVERY season is Jesus.

Confessions Revisited... the night before we come home for Christmas!

Confessions from our comfy couch in our apartment in Haiti (UPDATES IN ALL-CAPS, NO, I'm not yelling! I promise! Just wanted to make it easier to read...):

I'm NO longer afraid that our family and friends believe we love the beautiful people and country of Haiti enough to pack up our stuff and leave everyone behind. Because we don't. We love Jesus enough to pack up our stuff and leave everyone behind. He is the only reason.

I am STILL scared out of my mind to live in a third world country for 115 days...BUT I KNOW I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO GIVES ME STRENGTH. 

I AM STILL LEARNING how TO put meals on the table to feed my family that they'll like. I'm STILL scared to shop in the market. I'm DIDN'T hire a Haitian woman to help. I'm afraid I'll miss having my own kitchen and living room with all MY stuff. I DO INDEED MISS THESE THINGS, BUT IT'S PART OF MY SELFISHNESS, I THINK.

Will I go crazy hearing a different language all the time, everywhere I look and not understanding it? NO, I ACTUALLY FIND IT FASCINATING AND AM LEARNING...DOUSMAN...ly. LOL!

I'm afraid I'll forget why we went to begin with.

I'm afraid I will go through a real withdrawal from not being able to stream K-Love all day every day. I'M THANKFUL FOR AN IPOD THAT WAS GIVEN TO ME BY DOUG BLAKE AND A SPEAKER BY THOMAS YOUNG THAT I GET TO LISTEN WHEN I WANT NOW without draining all my battery in my phone.

I'm NO LONGER afraid living in Haiti will put our daughter's life on hold longer. I'M ACTUALLY QUITE CONFIDENT THAT SHE HAS LEARNED MORE IN THESE LAST 115 DAYS ON FOREIGN SOIL THAN SHE EVER COULD HAVE IN THE US AT HARVARD. PERIOD. ASK HER.

I'm afraid I'll hate going to bed by 9 PM because it's dark and waking up before 6 AM with the roosters. WELL I WAS ALMOST ALWAYS THE LAST ONE TO GO TO BED... AND THE LAST ONE TO GET OUT OF BED... I STAYED UP LISTENING TO THE STILL OF THE NIGHT OR THE ROAR OF THE NIGHT. ONE COULD NEVER "CALL" IT. IT WAS ALWAYS A SURPRISE.

I'm NO LONGER afraid that we'll be robbed, stabbed, shot or killed at some point in our journey in Haiti. AS LONG AS WE'RE HOME BEFORE DARK, WE'RE SAFE AND SOUND. AND AS LONG AS WE ARE AWARE OF OUR SURROUNDINGS WE FEEL SAFE. I WAS ACTUALLY MORE SCARED WHEN WE WERE IN THE US FOR THE FUNERAL THAN WHEN WE ARE HERE.  I'm STILL afraid if we are hurt that SOME OF our loved ones will then hate Haitians.

I'm STILL sad that we gave up our two cats and two dogs for this JOURNEY. I miss them still every day with crocodile tears in my eyes when I think about them at all... UGH! YES, I'M STILL SAD, BUT CONFIDENT THEY ARE IN GOOD FAMILIES NOW. I GET PICTURES OF THE DOGS EVERY FEW WEEKS. AND THEY LOVE THE LITTLE GIRL THEY ARE WITH.

I'm STILL afraid that I'm too old for this. I'm afraid of getting the Chikungunya virus and being a big baby. I'M AFRAID TO SAY THAT WE DIDN'T GET IT, BUT WE DIDN'T... AS OF THIS MOMENT... BUT, WE WATCHED SOME OTHERS WALK THROUGH THE PAIN OF THE VIRUS. THE PAIN WAS REAL!

I'm afraid of getting any other disease that could be easily treated in America. I'm afraid I'll have health issues that will keep us from serving. I DID GET AN ALIEN IN MY BELLY AND WAS ABLE TO GET MEDS TO TAKE CARE OF IT. SO, I'M NOT AS AFRAID OF THIS. WE CAN WALK TO A PHARMACY AND GET AN ANTI-BIOTIC ANYTIME WE WANT...

I'm sad that I'll miss 115 days of being able to jump in a car and drive to get to Rachael and Quinton, Josiah and Katie, Rick and Linda, Bethany and Micaiah, Mike and Heather, Eva and Emilee, Greg and Tammy, Thomas, our Ormsby family, our Temple family. I'M STILL VERY SAD, BUT KNOW THAT IT'S ALL PART OF THE PURPOSE AND PLAN. SO, I'M TRUSTING THAT GOD WILL USE IT TO BRING HIM GLORY.

I'm NO LONGER afraid I'll be the only one who doesn't want to go back after this initial trial period. I WANT TO GO BACK AND CAN'T WAIT!

I'm STILL afraid I will love it so much I will want to stay forever.

Thank you for skimming this blog OR for reading every single word. (Bless your hearts if you do!) Please know we are mere humans striving to be obedient to His call on our lives. Let us know how He is calling you to be brave in your JOURNEY. I promise I'll read every single word.

"Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart, since you have been born again, not of perishable seed but of imperishable, through the living and abiding word of God; for

“All flesh is like grass and all its glory like the flower of grass. 

The grass withers, and the flower falls, but the word of the Lord remains forever.”

And this word is the good news that was preached to you." I Peter 1

And 110 days in or...Four Months Later...

As Jen, Brynn, and I prepare to return from Haiti to the US for Christmas break we return with feelings as if we are returning from college….the College of REAL life. And we all agree that we have learned so much during these 4 months of living in Haiti. 

Big Lesson 1 - We Are Exactly Where God Wants Us To Be. 

Two years ago if someone would have asked us where we would be in 2 years…"living in Haiti" would not have rolled off our our tongues as a quick response. Although God has definitely “parked our hearts” in Haiti for awhile now, our desire has never been just to “live in Haiti”. Our desire has always been to follow Christ where He leads us. It has been an incredible journey living in Haiti these last 4 months - days filled with laughter, joy, tears, unexpected situations, comical communication situations and many, many hours sitting in the dark (literally). 

Some might ask, “Is it just like being on an extended A Door to Hope Mission Trip?” Our quick answer we be….umm NO! 

“Is it exactly like you anticipated?”…umm No!  

"Are you perfectly fitted to be missionaries in Haiti…um No!" (But YES! when we are walking in the power of His Spirit in our lives - He gives us everything we need.) 

“Are you returning to live in Haiti in January…umm YES! Brynna will not join our return to Haiti in January. She has enrolled in College in Nashville and staying with some dear friends of ours in White House, TN. She loves Haiti and will return during school breaks to visit us often (hint,hint).

Big Lesson 2 - Real and Successful Missions Work in Haiti is Surprisingly Complicated and More Difficult than Most of us Want to Admit, and Even More Difficult to Evaluate. 

If you have spent much time in Haiti you may have noticed that Haitians love to build stone walls. There is a beautiful masterpiece of a wall right near the airport. There are walls everywhere being built to mark land territory or even as guard rails along the roads. These stones are unearthed as the Haitians are farming and building and the stones are set aside specifically to be used for walls. There is a large wall being built now near our home in Fermathe, Haiti and each day I walk past the men working on shaping the stones and building the wall from these odd shaped stones and it somehow all comes together like a jigsaw puzzle does... into something beautiful. Here is a pic of the wall being built near our home.

Watching the Haitians work so diligently on these walls, I’ve wondered.."why don’t they just use concrete to build the wall and be done with it?” One day as I was walking past the wall near our home I realized that the slow, steady, complicated, and diligent work that went into building each wall was so much like doing ministry in Haiti. If you are willing to take the time in ministry to do the slow, steady, complicated, diligent work, and be very patient…..you will eventually begin to see God make it into something useful and beautiful.

Big Lesson 3 - We Have So Much to Learn

After spending 4 months living in Haiti, some might think that we have “arrived” and have it all figured out about doing ministry in Haiti. Jen, Brynn and I will tell you that the truth is….the more we learn about Haiti and the Haitian people, the more we realize that we have so much still to learn. Learning facts, history, and the Kreyole Language is one thing…..truly understanding a people, their culture and how to most effectively minister to them is entirely something different. Please pray for us as we continue to learn.

Big Lesson 4 - As Expected the A Door to Hope Ministry is Certainly More effective with Staff In-Country

Just as with the stone walls that I mentioned above, relationships, trust, and understanding take time to build but yield beautiful results. It is common in America to run into friends in places like the mall, the coffee shop, or even a ball game. It is always good to catch up and maintain/build the friendships. As a matter of fact, we really don’t think much about these unexpected meetings most of the time. The other day as I am walking down the road near our home, I looked up and saw Pastor Echelet from Calebasse Church walking toward me as he was traveling somewhere. We stopped and spoke together. Not long ago I jumped into a public tap-tap to catch a ride further up the mountain only to find Pastor Ezekiel from the Kenscoff Church siting across from me. We laughed and talked together. What opportunities we have now to build friendships, trust, and commitment in what A Door to Hope does in Haiti. Never before were we able to jump on a moto and run up to Calebasse to check on the school and oversee the A Class Act School Co-Sponsorship program. Never before have we been able to return to visit our Block of Hope homes to follow-up with the families to ensure that a spiritual foundation is being laid after the physical foundation of the home is finished. Being constantly aware of needs that arise with Pastors, Churches, Schools, and families and being able to immediately respond increases the effectiveness of what we do here exponentially. 

Big Lesson 5 - Choose Your Street Vendors Carefully

At this point, the Wards still do not have a functioning refrigerator so having meat with any meal is a treat for us as it doesn’t happen often. Pasta has been our staple food to fix at the house for most meals - spaghetti, elbow noodles, ramaan noodles…etc... Yes, even for breakfast at times especially since we have finally ran out of Cliff bars...

Brynna and I recently enjoyed a delicious meal of chicken, rice/beans,and picklies from a street vendor that was recommended by a friend. Several hours later we were reevaluating that friendship :) Enough said.

A VERY special word of thanks to EVERY ONE of you who have prayed for us, with us, and kept up with us in any way. We certainly could not have made it without your prayers, support and encouragement. We would love to sit down with each and every one of you and share the stories that didn't go to "print". If only time could stand STILL as we stop in each city during our "Christmas break"... we would! If you can catch us - please do. We'd love to hug your neck and share a cup or two of coffee and laugh, cry and try to catch up with where you've seen the Lord working in your lives over these past few months. Just don't invite us for Haitian Chicken, rice/beans, or picklies anytime soon.

"I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples. For great is Your love, reaching to the heavens: Your faithfulness reaches to the skies." Psalm 57

One of our favorite "Verse of the Day" from our small group at the Church in Pleasant Grove. We're coming coming home... coming home... tell the world, we're coming home...

Hold up, wait a minute!

Serving in Haiti I've come to believe that the hardest part is not being able to completely communicate with any Kreole speaking person (since I don't know it).  I get the most frustrated with myself and life in Haiti when I get trapped in situations where I just want to jump out of the scene and scream, "hold up, wait a minute" and ask for a panel of people who are watching to help me to understand fully what's going on. Most times, I just have to walk away from situations not knowing the full story.

Yesterday was a busy day for me as I needed to run a couple errands in the morning down in Petionville and then needed to be at the Center (Godet) to receive the food that was ordered. Every other Monday we have a delivery of needed supplies to feed the children and staff. I have to order by texting Patrick, our food guy, our order the Friday prior to the Monday we need it.

"Bonswa Patrick! Sa se Madame Jen. Sa se list pou lendi. 2 Apollo, 3 diri, 3 rika, 1 cornmeal, 4 oil, 4 spaghetti, 2 clorox, 1 flour, 1 sugar, and toilet paper." Sent Friday at 5:32 PM

"Ok, mesi" (Patrick) Sent Friday at 5:34 PM

"Mwen ap Godet nan orphelina a nan 1h de temp vin kotem poum ka paye ou." (Me, with the help of Matthew, my translator for the day trying to communicate that I'll be up at the Center in one hour to pay him... trust me, you don't want to use Google Translate to see if he's right...) Sent Monday at 12:42 PM

"Ok mwen pral pote manje yo kunya" (Patrick, telling me he'll bring the food now.) Sent Monday at 12:44 PM

Well, I make it up to the Center and check in quickly with the staff then head down to the school to provide a way to get charcoal, oil, pay the cook and the adult literacy professor. As I'm talking with the principal and director (Gordon and Dominique) at the school through Matthew translating, I ask how everything is in the Godet school. How are the children? Gordon explains that a child in Godet died. My heart broke and a tear made it's way to my eye.

Of course, I asked, "how".

He tells me the child "was sick".

I asked, "with what? a fever?"

"Yes, the parents didn't care for the child," I'm told bluntly.

I'm like, "Hold up. Wait a minute! Time out. Matthew, what's he saying? The child died because the parents didn't care for the child? How does this happen?"

Matthew explained that the parents didn't take good enough care of the child. They didn't have a way to pay for a doctor. They didn't have safe water to drink. They had no electricity. So, they just were waiting and hoping that the child would be better. But, it didn't get any better. It died.

In all of the conversation, I'm not 100% sure that the gender of the child was mentioned, but I know I pictured a little girl. I don't know the age of the child either. I was baffled. I didn't know what else to ask. I walked back to the Center in silence searching the mountainside trying not to imagine the grief that a family knew that day. Because if I thought about it too long, the tears would fall and I didn't want the people in the village to see me crying.

Matthew, Brynna and I made it back up to the Center and we were wondering when Patrick, our food guy would show up. I let Matthew go on home for the day because he had put in a day's work and was flying out in the morning to go to the states for awhile.  So, I used the children to help me form just the right sentence to find out when Patrick would be there.

We agreed on this one, "Eske ou vini?" (Erin, don't laugh!) Which means, "are you coming?" Sent at 2:06 PM

Patrick replied, "Nn mwen preske rive." Which the kids tell me means, "I'm almost there." Sent at 2:13 PM

So, I make myself go sit with the staff and children and try to communicate with them the best I can. But, as I'm nearing the little porch area where usually only one or two staff will be sitting at a time, I realize they are ALL there. Even Madame Jacqueline with her apron on. There's no one busy around the stove cooking. Pastor Justin tells me in plain English, "there's no food to cook for the children." And I realize they are all standing around with nothing to do. The floors are swept, the laundry is hung, but the "food is finished!" That's how they say that something is empty. It's finished.

Pastor Justin proceeds to tell me that "there's a problem with the machine and Patrick is late. There's no food for the children." ("Machine" is a car, auto, vehicle.)

I go back to the classroom and check my phone. Yes, Patrick said he was "almost there!" So, what is going on? I'm thinking, "what would Erin do? What should I do?" as the sun is going down. Now, granted, the sun starts escaping Godet as 3:30 turns to 4:00 because it's so high in elevation. Remember it's where God creates the clouds! And there is NO electric in the Center in Godet. So, when the light is gone they can't see what they are doing.

Thankfully, a team that came last week with a door to hope were able to install two skylights to help them to see in their bedrooms! So, they are able to see much more and much longer than ever before, but still... it was beginning to get cold and dark.

So, I go back out to sit with the staff and kids again and try to solve this problem. I try to communicate with them and feel SO HELPLESS. Completely helpless. The children weren't complaining at all. But, I knew what was about to happen. They were about to go to bed hungry. I knew it was not as horrible to them because many of them had gone to bed hungry before they arrived at the Center night after night. But, I just couldn't go home to my comfy apartment and fix myself dinner in the dark with a flashlight knowing that they hadn't eaten. So, Brynna and I worked together to try to communicate. We used a kid or two and finally agreed that I'd give them some money to go in to town and buy SOMETHING to feed the children. So, I dipped into the pot and gave them a 1,000 goudes bill. I didn't have change and I didn't even know how much they would need to buy beans or rice or pate's or fried chicken from a street vendor. I gave it to Madame Janine and she took Natacha and they went to town. They came back with two bags. One with small packs of crackers and one with something we never saw for sure what it was. But, they lit the gas stove and started cooking as Madame Delcarme passed out the crackers to every child. Madame Janine brought me back 750 goudes change. So, for $5.55 US they fed the 16 children something hot last night.

As we were leaving the Center to come home for the night, Patrick, the food guy shows up. Good grief! So, I went back down and counted all that he brought and asked for a receipt so I could pay him. He gave me the receipt which had a Haitian dollar amount due. (The Haitian dollar doesn't exist. You can't touch it. It's not printed. It's not in circulation!) But, if you take the Haitian dollar amount and times it by 5 it gives you the goudes amount. So, I did that and then added on a little extra for the delivery fee. We exchanged a few words or really gestures... like - me pointing to the amount. Him counting the goudes cash. Me taking my calculator and showing him what it was supposed to be. It wasn't adding up exactly, but we had NO translator anywhere near. So, we finally agreed that it was a fair trade.

So, if you are exhausted from reading this, then surely you can feel our pain... I was completely and whole heartedly exhausted and wished upon every star that I could have communicated better at a million different times during the day. So, when you think of us, when you pray for us, please pray that our brains would be diligent to retain what we have studied of this beautiful language and culture. It will only help us to better know what's truly needed other than the obvious, Jesus.

Thankful that we have the Ultimate Interpreter/Translator: the Holy Spirit!

"Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may know the things freely given to us by God, 13which things we also speak, not in words taught by human wisdom, but in those taught by the Spirit, combining spiritual thoughts with spiritual words. 14But a natural man does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually appraised.…" 1 Corinthians 2:13