Confessions from our comfy couch in our apartment in Haiti (UPDATES IN ALL-CAPS, NO, I'm not yelling! I promise! Just wanted to make it easier to read...):
I'm NO longer afraid that our family and friends believe we love the beautiful people and country of Haiti enough to pack up our stuff and leave everyone behind. Because we don't. We love Jesus enough to pack up our stuff and leave everyone behind. He is the only reason.I am STILL scared out of my mind to live in a third world country for 115 days...BUT I KNOW I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO GIVES ME STRENGTH.
I AM STILL LEARNING how TO put meals on the table to feed my family that they'll like. I'm STILL scared to shop in the market. I'm DIDN'T hire a Haitian woman to help. I'm afraid I'll miss having my own kitchen and living room with all MY stuff. I DO INDEED MISS THESE THINGS, BUT IT'S PART OF MY SELFISHNESS, I THINK.
Will I go crazy hearing a different language all the time, everywhere I look and not understanding it? NO, I ACTUALLY FIND IT FASCINATING AND AM LEARNING...DOUSMAN...ly. LOL!
I'm afraid I'll forget why we went to begin with.
I'm afraid I will go through a real withdrawal from not being able to stream K-Love all day every day. I'M THANKFUL FOR AN IPOD THAT WAS GIVEN TO ME BY DOUG BLAKE AND A SPEAKER BY THOMAS YOUNG THAT I GET TO LISTEN WHEN I WANT NOW without draining all my battery in my phone.
I'm NO LONGER afraid living in Haiti will put our daughter's life on hold longer. I'M ACTUALLY QUITE CONFIDENT THAT SHE HAS LEARNED MORE IN THESE LAST 115 DAYS ON FOREIGN SOIL THAN SHE EVER COULD HAVE IN THE US AT HARVARD. PERIOD. ASK HER.
I'm afraid I'll hate going to bed by 9 PM because it's dark and waking up before 6 AM with the roosters. WELL I WAS ALMOST ALWAYS THE LAST ONE TO GO TO BED... AND THE LAST ONE TO GET OUT OF BED... I STAYED UP LISTENING TO THE STILL OF THE NIGHT OR THE ROAR OF THE NIGHT. ONE COULD NEVER "CALL" IT. IT WAS ALWAYS A SURPRISE.
I'm NO LONGER afraid that we'll be robbed, stabbed, shot or killed at some point in our journey in Haiti. AS LONG AS WE'RE HOME BEFORE DARK, WE'RE SAFE AND SOUND. AND AS LONG AS WE ARE AWARE OF OUR SURROUNDINGS WE FEEL SAFE. I WAS ACTUALLY MORE SCARED WHEN WE WERE IN THE US FOR THE FUNERAL THAN WHEN WE ARE HERE. I'm STILL afraid if we are hurt that SOME OF our loved ones will then hate Haitians.
I'm STILL sad that we gave up our two cats and two dogs for this JOURNEY. I miss them still every day with crocodile tears in my eyes when I think about them at all... UGH! YES, I'M STILL SAD, BUT CONFIDENT THEY ARE IN GOOD FAMILIES NOW. I GET PICTURES OF THE DOGS EVERY FEW WEEKS. AND THEY LOVE THE LITTLE GIRL THEY ARE WITH.
I'm STILL afraid that I'm too old for this. I'm afraid of getting the Chikungunya virus and being a big baby. I'M AFRAID TO SAY THAT WE DIDN'T GET IT, BUT WE DIDN'T... AS OF THIS MOMENT... BUT, WE WATCHED SOME OTHERS WALK THROUGH THE PAIN OF THE VIRUS. THE PAIN WAS REAL!
I'm afraid of getting any other disease that could be easily treated in America. I'm afraid I'll have health issues that will keep us from serving. I DID GET AN ALIEN IN MY BELLY AND WAS ABLE TO GET MEDS TO TAKE CARE OF IT. SO, I'M NOT AS AFRAID OF THIS. WE CAN WALK TO A PHARMACY AND GET AN ANTI-BIOTIC ANYTIME WE WANT...
I'm sad that I'll miss 115 days of being able to jump in a car and drive to get to Rachael and Quinton, Josiah and Katie, Rick and Linda, Bethany and Micaiah, Mike and Heather, Eva and Emilee, Greg and Tammy, Thomas, our Ormsby family, our Temple family. I'M STILL VERY SAD, BUT KNOW THAT IT'S ALL PART OF THE PURPOSE AND PLAN. SO, I'M TRUSTING THAT GOD WILL USE IT TO BRING HIM GLORY.
I'm NO LONGER afraid I'll be the only one who doesn't want to go back after this initial trial period. I WANT TO GO BACK AND CAN'T WAIT!
I'm STILL afraid I will love it so much I will want to stay forever.
I'm STILL afraid I will love it so much I will want to stay forever.
Thank you for skimming this blog OR for reading every single word. (Bless your hearts if you do!) Please know we are mere humans striving to be obedient to His call on our lives. Let us know how He is calling you to be brave in your JOURNEY. I promise I'll read every single word.
"Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart, since you have been born again, not of perishable seed but of imperishable, through the living and abiding word of God; for
“All flesh is like grass and all its glory like the flower of grass.
The grass withers, and the flower falls, but the word of the Lord remains forever.”
And this word is the good news that was preached to you." I Peter 1
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