Something borrowed, something blue... or really "Everything borrowed, everything blue"

The Ward family has made it safely from our lil apartment on the mountain in Haiti to the airport and then to Miami and then Nashville with just minutes to spare even though we had over 4 hours of layover time "planned"... the day didn't play out the way it was "supposed" to... but, we walked in to the Young family home early, early Tuesday morning in White House, TN and laid our heads down and rested. First thing, Chris had some office work to do and the girls went to Genny's house to "borrow" a trunk load of winter clothes. We were QUITE happy. So, when you see us in our cute boots and puffy vests - you must know it's not our clothes - it's on loan from sweet Genny Dixon! We have 5 different styles and colors of cute boots between the two of us! What a treat! We even got warm gloves, hats and a purse! We are ready to hit the town! We made a couple stops in to Goodwill looking for more "checked bags" to carry back to Haiti. They take a beating every time they are jam packed with 50-70 lbs of supplies when we go. So, they can only survive SO many trips... before we need "new" ones. Very thankful for thrift stores!

We thoroughly enjoyed our few days with the Youngs including an "Acoustic Christmas" program Wednesday night and dinner with our small group from our "Church at Pleasant Grove" Thursday. Thank you Tammy Young for the perfect Christmas gift to us... a 2015 calendar with photos of all those we love on an 8 X 10 each month with birthdays included! Friday we got up and took Thomas with us on a quick trip to West Virginia to see my dad and fam. We were able to shop at the Barboursville Mall (and run in to an old friend from high school who reads the blog), eat Tudor's Biscuits and shared Jim's Spaghetti for lunch today at Uncle Dave and Aunt Cindy's house! What more could we ask for? We enjoyed seeing Gramps & Kaylene, Shelby, Skylar & Markus along with Tyler & Melissa and Whitney, oh, and Gracie, too!!

Now, we are snuggled up ready to sleep SOUND at Aunt Sandra's in Louisville looking forward to seeing our faith family at Ormsby Heights in the morning! Let the festivities continue! We look forward to catching a hug from everyone and all that this week will entail! 

I'm not going to lie - it is kinda hard living between two worlds... Haiti and the US... kinda like living between Heaven and Earth... longings that can't be explained, emotions that can't be contained, and plenty of questions yet to be answered. We're just going to just soak it all in. Because it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas! Merry Christmas to you! Do not forget that the reason for EVERY season is Jesus.

Confessions Revisited... the night before we come home for Christmas!

Confessions from our comfy couch in our apartment in Haiti (UPDATES IN ALL-CAPS, NO, I'm not yelling! I promise! Just wanted to make it easier to read...):

I'm NO longer afraid that our family and friends believe we love the beautiful people and country of Haiti enough to pack up our stuff and leave everyone behind. Because we don't. We love Jesus enough to pack up our stuff and leave everyone behind. He is the only reason.

I am STILL scared out of my mind to live in a third world country for 115 days...BUT I KNOW I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO GIVES ME STRENGTH. 

I AM STILL LEARNING how TO put meals on the table to feed my family that they'll like. I'm STILL scared to shop in the market. I'm DIDN'T hire a Haitian woman to help. I'm afraid I'll miss having my own kitchen and living room with all MY stuff. I DO INDEED MISS THESE THINGS, BUT IT'S PART OF MY SELFISHNESS, I THINK.

Will I go crazy hearing a different language all the time, everywhere I look and not understanding it? NO, I ACTUALLY FIND IT FASCINATING AND AM LEARNING...DOUSMAN...ly. LOL!

I'm afraid I'll forget why we went to begin with.

I'm afraid I will go through a real withdrawal from not being able to stream K-Love all day every day. I'M THANKFUL FOR AN IPOD THAT WAS GIVEN TO ME BY DOUG BLAKE AND A SPEAKER BY THOMAS YOUNG THAT I GET TO LISTEN WHEN I WANT NOW without draining all my battery in my phone.

I'm NO LONGER afraid living in Haiti will put our daughter's life on hold longer. I'M ACTUALLY QUITE CONFIDENT THAT SHE HAS LEARNED MORE IN THESE LAST 115 DAYS ON FOREIGN SOIL THAN SHE EVER COULD HAVE IN THE US AT HARVARD. PERIOD. ASK HER.

I'm afraid I'll hate going to bed by 9 PM because it's dark and waking up before 6 AM with the roosters. WELL I WAS ALMOST ALWAYS THE LAST ONE TO GO TO BED... AND THE LAST ONE TO GET OUT OF BED... I STAYED UP LISTENING TO THE STILL OF THE NIGHT OR THE ROAR OF THE NIGHT. ONE COULD NEVER "CALL" IT. IT WAS ALWAYS A SURPRISE.

I'm NO LONGER afraid that we'll be robbed, stabbed, shot or killed at some point in our journey in Haiti. AS LONG AS WE'RE HOME BEFORE DARK, WE'RE SAFE AND SOUND. AND AS LONG AS WE ARE AWARE OF OUR SURROUNDINGS WE FEEL SAFE. I WAS ACTUALLY MORE SCARED WHEN WE WERE IN THE US FOR THE FUNERAL THAN WHEN WE ARE HERE.  I'm STILL afraid if we are hurt that SOME OF our loved ones will then hate Haitians.

I'm STILL sad that we gave up our two cats and two dogs for this JOURNEY. I miss them still every day with crocodile tears in my eyes when I think about them at all... UGH! YES, I'M STILL SAD, BUT CONFIDENT THEY ARE IN GOOD FAMILIES NOW. I GET PICTURES OF THE DOGS EVERY FEW WEEKS. AND THEY LOVE THE LITTLE GIRL THEY ARE WITH.

I'm STILL afraid that I'm too old for this. I'm afraid of getting the Chikungunya virus and being a big baby. I'M AFRAID TO SAY THAT WE DIDN'T GET IT, BUT WE DIDN'T... AS OF THIS MOMENT... BUT, WE WATCHED SOME OTHERS WALK THROUGH THE PAIN OF THE VIRUS. THE PAIN WAS REAL!

I'm afraid of getting any other disease that could be easily treated in America. I'm afraid I'll have health issues that will keep us from serving. I DID GET AN ALIEN IN MY BELLY AND WAS ABLE TO GET MEDS TO TAKE CARE OF IT. SO, I'M NOT AS AFRAID OF THIS. WE CAN WALK TO A PHARMACY AND GET AN ANTI-BIOTIC ANYTIME WE WANT...

I'm sad that I'll miss 115 days of being able to jump in a car and drive to get to Rachael and Quinton, Josiah and Katie, Rick and Linda, Bethany and Micaiah, Mike and Heather, Eva and Emilee, Greg and Tammy, Thomas, our Ormsby family, our Temple family. I'M STILL VERY SAD, BUT KNOW THAT IT'S ALL PART OF THE PURPOSE AND PLAN. SO, I'M TRUSTING THAT GOD WILL USE IT TO BRING HIM GLORY.

I'm NO LONGER afraid I'll be the only one who doesn't want to go back after this initial trial period. I WANT TO GO BACK AND CAN'T WAIT!

I'm STILL afraid I will love it so much I will want to stay forever.

Thank you for skimming this blog OR for reading every single word. (Bless your hearts if you do!) Please know we are mere humans striving to be obedient to His call on our lives. Let us know how He is calling you to be brave in your JOURNEY. I promise I'll read every single word.

"Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart, since you have been born again, not of perishable seed but of imperishable, through the living and abiding word of God; for

“All flesh is like grass and all its glory like the flower of grass. 

The grass withers, and the flower falls, but the word of the Lord remains forever.”

And this word is the good news that was preached to you." I Peter 1

And 110 days in or...Four Months Later...

As Jen, Brynn, and I prepare to return from Haiti to the US for Christmas break we return with feelings as if we are returning from college….the College of REAL life. And we all agree that we have learned so much during these 4 months of living in Haiti. 

Big Lesson 1 - We Are Exactly Where God Wants Us To Be. 

Two years ago if someone would have asked us where we would be in 2 years…"living in Haiti" would not have rolled off our our tongues as a quick response. Although God has definitely “parked our hearts” in Haiti for awhile now, our desire has never been just to “live in Haiti”. Our desire has always been to follow Christ where He leads us. It has been an incredible journey living in Haiti these last 4 months - days filled with laughter, joy, tears, unexpected situations, comical communication situations and many, many hours sitting in the dark (literally). 

Some might ask, “Is it just like being on an extended A Door to Hope Mission Trip?” Our quick answer we be….umm NO! 

“Is it exactly like you anticipated?”…umm No!  

"Are you perfectly fitted to be missionaries in Haiti…um No!" (But YES! when we are walking in the power of His Spirit in our lives - He gives us everything we need.) 

“Are you returning to live in Haiti in January…umm YES! Brynna will not join our return to Haiti in January. She has enrolled in College in Nashville and staying with some dear friends of ours in White House, TN. She loves Haiti and will return during school breaks to visit us often (hint,hint).

Big Lesson 2 - Real and Successful Missions Work in Haiti is Surprisingly Complicated and More Difficult than Most of us Want to Admit, and Even More Difficult to Evaluate. 

If you have spent much time in Haiti you may have noticed that Haitians love to build stone walls. There is a beautiful masterpiece of a wall right near the airport. There are walls everywhere being built to mark land territory or even as guard rails along the roads. These stones are unearthed as the Haitians are farming and building and the stones are set aside specifically to be used for walls. There is a large wall being built now near our home in Fermathe, Haiti and each day I walk past the men working on shaping the stones and building the wall from these odd shaped stones and it somehow all comes together like a jigsaw puzzle does... into something beautiful. Here is a pic of the wall being built near our home.

Watching the Haitians work so diligently on these walls, I’ve wondered.."why don’t they just use concrete to build the wall and be done with it?” One day as I was walking past the wall near our home I realized that the slow, steady, complicated, and diligent work that went into building each wall was so much like doing ministry in Haiti. If you are willing to take the time in ministry to do the slow, steady, complicated, diligent work, and be very patient…..you will eventually begin to see God make it into something useful and beautiful.

Big Lesson 3 - We Have So Much to Learn

After spending 4 months living in Haiti, some might think that we have “arrived” and have it all figured out about doing ministry in Haiti. Jen, Brynn and I will tell you that the truth is….the more we learn about Haiti and the Haitian people, the more we realize that we have so much still to learn. Learning facts, history, and the Kreyole Language is one thing…..truly understanding a people, their culture and how to most effectively minister to them is entirely something different. Please pray for us as we continue to learn.

Big Lesson 4 - As Expected the A Door to Hope Ministry is Certainly More effective with Staff In-Country

Just as with the stone walls that I mentioned above, relationships, trust, and understanding take time to build but yield beautiful results. It is common in America to run into friends in places like the mall, the coffee shop, or even a ball game. It is always good to catch up and maintain/build the friendships. As a matter of fact, we really don’t think much about these unexpected meetings most of the time. The other day as I am walking down the road near our home, I looked up and saw Pastor Echelet from Calebasse Church walking toward me as he was traveling somewhere. We stopped and spoke together. Not long ago I jumped into a public tap-tap to catch a ride further up the mountain only to find Pastor Ezekiel from the Kenscoff Church siting across from me. We laughed and talked together. What opportunities we have now to build friendships, trust, and commitment in what A Door to Hope does in Haiti. Never before were we able to jump on a moto and run up to Calebasse to check on the school and oversee the A Class Act School Co-Sponsorship program. Never before have we been able to return to visit our Block of Hope homes to follow-up with the families to ensure that a spiritual foundation is being laid after the physical foundation of the home is finished. Being constantly aware of needs that arise with Pastors, Churches, Schools, and families and being able to immediately respond increases the effectiveness of what we do here exponentially. 

Big Lesson 5 - Choose Your Street Vendors Carefully

At this point, the Wards still do not have a functioning refrigerator so having meat with any meal is a treat for us as it doesn’t happen often. Pasta has been our staple food to fix at the house for most meals - spaghetti, elbow noodles, ramaan noodles…etc... Yes, even for breakfast at times especially since we have finally ran out of Cliff bars...

Brynna and I recently enjoyed a delicious meal of chicken, rice/beans,and picklies from a street vendor that was recommended by a friend. Several hours later we were reevaluating that friendship :) Enough said.

A VERY special word of thanks to EVERY ONE of you who have prayed for us, with us, and kept up with us in any way. We certainly could not have made it without your prayers, support and encouragement. We would love to sit down with each and every one of you and share the stories that didn't go to "print". If only time could stand STILL as we stop in each city during our "Christmas break"... we would! If you can catch us - please do. We'd love to hug your neck and share a cup or two of coffee and laugh, cry and try to catch up with where you've seen the Lord working in your lives over these past few months. Just don't invite us for Haitian Chicken, rice/beans, or picklies anytime soon.

"I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples. For great is Your love, reaching to the heavens: Your faithfulness reaches to the skies." Psalm 57

One of our favorite "Verse of the Day" from our small group at the Church in Pleasant Grove. We're coming coming home... coming home... tell the world, we're coming home...

Hold up, wait a minute!

Serving in Haiti I've come to believe that the hardest part is not being able to completely communicate with any Kreole speaking person (since I don't know it).  I get the most frustrated with myself and life in Haiti when I get trapped in situations where I just want to jump out of the scene and scream, "hold up, wait a minute" and ask for a panel of people who are watching to help me to understand fully what's going on. Most times, I just have to walk away from situations not knowing the full story.

Yesterday was a busy day for me as I needed to run a couple errands in the morning down in Petionville and then needed to be at the Center (Godet) to receive the food that was ordered. Every other Monday we have a delivery of needed supplies to feed the children and staff. I have to order by texting Patrick, our food guy, our order the Friday prior to the Monday we need it.

"Bonswa Patrick! Sa se Madame Jen. Sa se list pou lendi. 2 Apollo, 3 diri, 3 rika, 1 cornmeal, 4 oil, 4 spaghetti, 2 clorox, 1 flour, 1 sugar, and toilet paper." Sent Friday at 5:32 PM

"Ok, mesi" (Patrick) Sent Friday at 5:34 PM

"Mwen ap Godet nan orphelina a nan 1h de temp vin kotem poum ka paye ou." (Me, with the help of Matthew, my translator for the day trying to communicate that I'll be up at the Center in one hour to pay him... trust me, you don't want to use Google Translate to see if he's right...) Sent Monday at 12:42 PM

"Ok mwen pral pote manje yo kunya" (Patrick, telling me he'll bring the food now.) Sent Monday at 12:44 PM

Well, I make it up to the Center and check in quickly with the staff then head down to the school to provide a way to get charcoal, oil, pay the cook and the adult literacy professor. As I'm talking with the principal and director (Gordon and Dominique) at the school through Matthew translating, I ask how everything is in the Godet school. How are the children? Gordon explains that a child in Godet died. My heart broke and a tear made it's way to my eye.

Of course, I asked, "how".

He tells me the child "was sick".

I asked, "with what? a fever?"

"Yes, the parents didn't care for the child," I'm told bluntly.

I'm like, "Hold up. Wait a minute! Time out. Matthew, what's he saying? The child died because the parents didn't care for the child? How does this happen?"

Matthew explained that the parents didn't take good enough care of the child. They didn't have a way to pay for a doctor. They didn't have safe water to drink. They had no electricity. So, they just were waiting and hoping that the child would be better. But, it didn't get any better. It died.

In all of the conversation, I'm not 100% sure that the gender of the child was mentioned, but I know I pictured a little girl. I don't know the age of the child either. I was baffled. I didn't know what else to ask. I walked back to the Center in silence searching the mountainside trying not to imagine the grief that a family knew that day. Because if I thought about it too long, the tears would fall and I didn't want the people in the village to see me crying.

Matthew, Brynna and I made it back up to the Center and we were wondering when Patrick, our food guy would show up. I let Matthew go on home for the day because he had put in a day's work and was flying out in the morning to go to the states for awhile.  So, I used the children to help me form just the right sentence to find out when Patrick would be there.

We agreed on this one, "Eske ou vini?" (Erin, don't laugh!) Which means, "are you coming?" Sent at 2:06 PM

Patrick replied, "Nn mwen preske rive." Which the kids tell me means, "I'm almost there." Sent at 2:13 PM

So, I make myself go sit with the staff and children and try to communicate with them the best I can. But, as I'm nearing the little porch area where usually only one or two staff will be sitting at a time, I realize they are ALL there. Even Madame Jacqueline with her apron on. There's no one busy around the stove cooking. Pastor Justin tells me in plain English, "there's no food to cook for the children." And I realize they are all standing around with nothing to do. The floors are swept, the laundry is hung, but the "food is finished!" That's how they say that something is empty. It's finished.

Pastor Justin proceeds to tell me that "there's a problem with the machine and Patrick is late. There's no food for the children." ("Machine" is a car, auto, vehicle.)

I go back to the classroom and check my phone. Yes, Patrick said he was "almost there!" So, what is going on? I'm thinking, "what would Erin do? What should I do?" as the sun is going down. Now, granted, the sun starts escaping Godet as 3:30 turns to 4:00 because it's so high in elevation. Remember it's where God creates the clouds! And there is NO electric in the Center in Godet. So, when the light is gone they can't see what they are doing.

Thankfully, a team that came last week with a door to hope were able to install two skylights to help them to see in their bedrooms! So, they are able to see much more and much longer than ever before, but still... it was beginning to get cold and dark.

So, I go back out to sit with the staff and kids again and try to solve this problem. I try to communicate with them and feel SO HELPLESS. Completely helpless. The children weren't complaining at all. But, I knew what was about to happen. They were about to go to bed hungry. I knew it was not as horrible to them because many of them had gone to bed hungry before they arrived at the Center night after night. But, I just couldn't go home to my comfy apartment and fix myself dinner in the dark with a flashlight knowing that they hadn't eaten. So, Brynna and I worked together to try to communicate. We used a kid or two and finally agreed that I'd give them some money to go in to town and buy SOMETHING to feed the children. So, I dipped into the pot and gave them a 1,000 goudes bill. I didn't have change and I didn't even know how much they would need to buy beans or rice or pate's or fried chicken from a street vendor. I gave it to Madame Janine and she took Natacha and they went to town. They came back with two bags. One with small packs of crackers and one with something we never saw for sure what it was. But, they lit the gas stove and started cooking as Madame Delcarme passed out the crackers to every child. Madame Janine brought me back 750 goudes change. So, for $5.55 US they fed the 16 children something hot last night.

As we were leaving the Center to come home for the night, Patrick, the food guy shows up. Good grief! So, I went back down and counted all that he brought and asked for a receipt so I could pay him. He gave me the receipt which had a Haitian dollar amount due. (The Haitian dollar doesn't exist. You can't touch it. It's not printed. It's not in circulation!) But, if you take the Haitian dollar amount and times it by 5 it gives you the goudes amount. So, I did that and then added on a little extra for the delivery fee. We exchanged a few words or really gestures... like - me pointing to the amount. Him counting the goudes cash. Me taking my calculator and showing him what it was supposed to be. It wasn't adding up exactly, but we had NO translator anywhere near. So, we finally agreed that it was a fair trade.

So, if you are exhausted from reading this, then surely you can feel our pain... I was completely and whole heartedly exhausted and wished upon every star that I could have communicated better at a million different times during the day. So, when you think of us, when you pray for us, please pray that our brains would be diligent to retain what we have studied of this beautiful language and culture. It will only help us to better know what's truly needed other than the obvious, Jesus.

Thankful that we have the Ultimate Interpreter/Translator: the Holy Spirit!

"Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may know the things freely given to us by God, 13which things we also speak, not in words taught by human wisdom, but in those taught by the Spirit, combining spiritual thoughts with spiritual words. 14But a natural man does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually appraised.…" 1 Corinthians 2:13

Making our list and checking it twice...

What do YOU want for Christmas? I simply want TIME with my family and faith families. No gifts to unwrap. Just card playing until the wee hours of the morning. Deep talks over coffee. Just laughter and sunshine and time TOGETHER. And it looks like we're gonna get it, too! We can hardly wait!

We were able to play a small part in bringing Christmas gifts to the children in Godet. Several of YOU shopped, bought, and shipped gifts to New York for David Young to bring in with the team last week. THANK YOU!! Brynna and Erin wrapped and labeled each gift with love last week. So, they are ready to be delivered at the appropriate time. You know! Around December 25th...! Pics will follow.

They made little cut out Christmas trees for their sponsors:

I wanted to give you a snapshot of the list that was not published. Erin took time to ask each child individually what they may want for Christmas. The list made me feel very selfish. Even for wanting time with my family... actually, especially for wanting time with my family. Since they are family to each other at the Center in Godet. Eighteen precious souls bunking together. One room of girls. One room of boys. All sharing life together. None having the comfort of their mother's unconditional love or the tough love from their father. But, all being given the gift of each other to walk through life thanks to Heart of God Haiti.

Here's the unpublished list:
Nadine wants black sneakers, a pink skirt and clear nail polish
Natasha wants a green skirt, yellow dress, sandals
Nerlande wants dress shoes, socks, memory game
Marie Elande wants juice, a bottle, bananas and a play phone
Samantha wants clear nail polish, a pink skirt and shirt
Reginald wants blue pants, a white and blue shirt and a card game
Samson wants a pencil, lotion, Uno, ruler and cake
Emmanuel wants a Bible and peanut butter

"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son, whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through Him. Whoever believes in Him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God. And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God." 

John 3:16 and following...

Night on the Mountain

It's Friday, Chris is in Nashville for the 10th Anniversary of "a door to hope - BGM". Brynna and I are up on this mountain feeling a little like spoiled little brats after taking a hot shower for the first time in a week and enjoying electric for the first time in a week - other than the 22 minutes from yesterday that just don't even count!

This morning on our way up the mountain we purchased water and propane gas for the Center. Here's a picture of the top half of the "new and improved" or rather "new and demolished" Crazy Corner (Brynna spotted an Auburn Under Armor shirt for sale):


We spent the day with the kids in Godet with Heart of God Haiti. We called them in class by class and spent some small group time with them. We let them chose what game they wanted to play together and we played and laughed and had fun. Class Four wanted to play Uno. Most of the other classes wanted to play some sort of "Memory" game. Erin has taught them English so it's easier to converse with them, but there's still a real language barrier when it comes to words or themes beyond the scope of what they've been taught. We tried our hardest to communicate to them that we wanted them to be able to share a special memory of their time with Erin (because she's leaving to go back to the states after serving 2 years with them). We wanted them to tell a story of a time that they laughed with Erin or she dried their tears when they were sad or she taught them something new and so on. The had a really hard time understanding the concept. Brynna chimed in yet we just couldn't get them to understand. It was eye opening for me to see that their brains can't possibly come up with answers to my questions like this when they don't know enough words or concepts in the English language to convey what they're feeling. So, we'll have to ask for help from Peterson next week. I'll keep you posted.

Loudina, one of the youngest lost her first tooth!

Baby Ann (pronounced more like "on")
She's the daughter of one of the ladies who
works at the Godet Center.

After we played with each class we watched a David and Goliath animation with Charlton Heston and they all watched intently. It's amazing to me how these children are so thankful for anything they are given because they don't have much to call their own. Every week when we hand them a bon-bon with peanut butter or any other little snack they each look me straight in the eye and say, "thank you." And I believe they truly mean it. If any of you have children's DVDs that you are cleaning away after Christmas - please keep us in mind. They have a rotation of DVDs, but I'd love to see their library expand. Currently they watch: Annie, Frozen, Smith Family Robinson, and Elf. We wondered if they'd like The Incredibles, Ice Age, Lion King, Marry Poppins, etc... They don't seem to "get" Veggie Tales as much as we'd like for them to. Here's a pic of them enjoying David and Goliath today:


This is my theme song for our 115 days in Haiti between August and December of 2014 from the king himself... David Crowder. Listen here.

"Up on the mountain where Your love captured me. Where finally I'm free, this I know. Up on the mountain, where You taught my soul to sing, 'Amazing grace, the sweetest thing, this I know.' Then the storm's rushing in and here I am again, this I know. Take me up to where I was, when I never wanted more than You. Lift me up to feel Your touch. It wouldn't be that much for You. This I know."

We know that some of you are our biggest cheerleaders, prayer warriors and we truly, truly appreciate you and all you've done for us. We couldn't be here without you. I tell you we believe with all our hearts your prayers and cheers have kept us safe in this foreign country and satisfied in walking with Him. Yet some of you don't understand why we have come to this mountain and may never realize the purpose. I wish we could sit down and talk and truly get to the heart of it. It's not glamorous nor is it much sacrifice in light of eternity. It's simply obedience. Thanks for loving us.

Catchup

Living in Haiti has made me come to appreciate some of the things in the US that I have taken for granted. It's Tuesday evening at 8:38 PM and we've not had electric since Saturday night. Sometimes, I get frustrated depending on how much our devices are charged. Why should the fact that we have or don't have charge affect me?! Because it makes me feel so helpless! If we don't have charge, we can't communicate with the world. But, then, again... why is it so important to communicate with the world? That is not my number one responsibility in life! I have 83% battery on my iPad as I begin to type this blog. So, I should no have any problem finishing it.

Today, we had Kreyole lessons with Erin and sent Chris back to the states (all before lunch) for "A Night on the Porch" with a door to hope - BGM. If you're free Friday evening - stop by the Nashville office and enjoy some s'mores, shopping in a "Haiti market", live music, local food, bid on online auction, sweet fellowship, a mock Haitian classroom and a whole lot more! It's FREE!

Aftter lunch at the BHM we journeyed down to the Dearing's home where we were charging our most vital devices. (We had planned to plug them up in the BHM cafeteria, but all the plugs were taken by others who are going without electric, too.) As we were coming up the hill from their home the thunder rumbled loudly and the skies began to cry... hard... and fast. So, we took shelter for a bit near the clinic. Between the three of us, we only had one rain poncho available. So, I put my Kavu bag around the front of me and carried Brynna's backpack on my back under the poncho... and once again I looked like a pregnant hunchback grey-haired white woman walking the streets of Haiti. We made it back up the hill to the gift shop and Erin asked for a plastic bag to cover her most important bag. Then we took off swiftly racing through the rain towards home. Erin hopped in to a tap-tap to head back up the mountain to Kenscoff where she's staying and Brynna and I arrived at our gate and pounded, and pounded and pounded for Gerard to let us in. The guys across the street who had taken shelter were laughing at us or actually WITH us. One of them brought over a bigger rock to hit against the gate to try to get Gerard's attention. It took at least 15 minutes before we saw him. By that point, we looked like drowned rats. And did we ever smell like some!  

We came in and cleaned our feet and legs off with a little bleach water since we had just walked through rivers of unmentionable liquids... and mud... and such, dried off and attempted to cook some hot cocoa. We have dried milk, cocoa powder and sugar. It was tasty. Fortunately, we can't remember what it tastes like at our favorite coffee shop. It's been too long. So, we counted it a blessing.

To be honest, it's not been an easy past month for me. Not only have we been grieving the untimely death of Nabeel El-farrah from this mountain so far away from Louisville, but I'm having a hard time with the reality of what season it is, what happens in the US and the fact that I'm not in the US. I'm very sorry that I've not been able to keep up with the blog as much as I would have liked to these last 30 days. So many of you have been in contact with us via e-mail or FB inbox and that has helped. We've also had a lot of transitions going on that we'll tell you all about in another post.

I'm so very thankful that my very best friend from high school, Sarah Cooper---'s mom - Frances spotted us on social media and offered to send us a care package. I told her I'd LOVE to have some of her amazing snickerdoodles. So, she put on FB the other day a pick of the package before she sent it and I canNOT wait for Chris to bring it back this weekend!!! Here's a pic of what has helped lift my spirits the last couple weeks just anticipating it:

Back on Monday...
Have I told you about Merilus? (Mer-E-Leece) He's our private moto guy. Here in Haiti you can just jump on any old moto and pay the driver to take you somewhere, but it's highly likely that you'll get what you pay for... a blindly dangerous ride. So, Erin has introduced us to Merilus who drives slower and more cautiously than most. He's my hero. He takes me and brings me back from roads that tap-taps don't travel on. Chris, Brynna and Erin make fun of me sometimes because I hold on for dear life... to whatever I can... which sometimes is Brynna or Chris' knees or Merilus' sides.

Yesterday I went up to Godet to take care of a few things with Erin. On the way home it began to pour the rain! We were on a moto with Merilus. We dropped Erin off in Kenscoff and then he brought me back to our apartment. The rain was falling so hard we couldn't see in front of us very well, but what I could see terrified me - it was rivers of water flowing down the streets on every turn. You remember we live on a mountain, right? It was quite scary, but just about 3 turns before our apartment, he realized we had a flat front tire. But, he kept on going and dropped me off at the gate. I only know enough Kreyole to call him and ask him to come pick me up and tell him where to drive me to... I felt so horrible that I couldn't communicate with him about how to help him get it fixed or that it was okay to stop the moto and I could walk the rest of the way. I just hope he didn't damage his moto driving around those curves with a flat tire. I'll let you know Friday when he comes to pick us up.

Earlier on Monday, we were invited guests along with Erin to the Dearing family home for lunch. They grilled steaks!!! We had baked potatoes, sliced cucumbers and green bean casserole! Oh, my, oh, my was it yummy!! On the way home we encountered our road that was completely blocked. I have yet to tell you that they have come in with bulldozers and torn out brick buildings and loaded them up in dump trucks and dumped them over the mountain! This is a picture that Chris snapped on Sunday. Today, they've torn out even more shops. There's constantly crowds of people lined up watching. There's lots of people who are coming in and grabbing anything that they could use or sell - like rebar. There's been a great police presence to ensure that the crowd doesn't get out of control. Each time we've had to walk through it coming or going the crowd seems just enthralled in watching the transformation. Have only witnessed one angry exchange and it was with the tap-tap drivers and the police. They apparently were being told to line up on down the road because they had torn out all the shops where they normally line up. Now, we'll have even farther to walk to catch a tap-tap down to PV. But, that's ok. I just feel so uncertain about how this will affect our little community. It's taken out businesses that we've spent our time and money in. Where will these people go now to make a living? Rumor has it that they are going to make a round-a-bout to help control the traffic and improve the safety of the place. (I put up a video on FB once of the "crazy corner".) Rumor also tells us that the government paid the owners of these buildings some amount of compensation a while back, but they didn't exactly know that "today was the day" and that it would all be torn away. I'm just praying that tomorrow we don't see them tearing out Simon's shop by the BHM. That would be one sad day. But, we're told that that's private property and they won't be tearing that out. Time will tell.

Well, back to my story - on Monday on the way home from the Dearing's the road was completely blocked by dump trucks and we had to climb up the hill just to the left of this picture. You want to talk about a funny site? So dangerous! But, it was the only way home. Sadly, we were following all the children who had just come out of school and were making their way up the hill. They were all dressed in their blue checked shirts and there we were just "blending right in". I was not able to climb up the muddy hill without Chris pulling me up. Just don't even imagine that. It was not pretty. Nor were our feet and legs as we trudged through the mud and water and made our way back down that road where the people are lined up and then past the dump trucks on the other side to make it safely back to our apartment.

Tomorrow, Brynna and I along with Erin will board a tap-tap and head down to PV to pick up some powdered milk for the kids at Godet along with some other items from the Giant grocery store. If you think about it, pray for safety. That's my biggest fear here in Haiti... our safety. Not necessarily for safety as far as kidnapping or something violent, but just simply transportation, brakes, steering wheels, drivers, craziness and etc... We're constantly flying up and down these mountain roads and it's a miracle that we've been safe this entire time. Thank you God!

It's now 10:18 and my eyes are ready to rest. Thank you for all your prayers and support. We will do our best to give you more pictures of Haiti and the life we are now living. We are starting to look forward to coming "home" in December. And we are blessed to be able to spend time with our family, our faith families in Nashville (White House) and Louisville over the break. We look forward to touching base and hugging all your necks! We've still got 40 days in Haiti. Please continue to pray. Na we pita! (See you later!)

Orphan No More

Yesterday, Chris and I spent the day up in the village of Callebasse checking on the school and church and catching up with Pastor Echelet and Director Jonas. It was a treat to see the children and get a report on how the school's doing. Our plan was to spend our time in Callebasse at the school, but after spending time there we traveled up the road a bit further to find ourselves at an orphanage sitting down with a new friend.

I sat down and talked with a Haitian lady who has so many stories yet untold. Her life is one story after another and I only had a short time with her. I can't wait to meet with her again and hear more of her stories. But, one thing she made clear to me was that she knows that God has a purpose and a plan for her, to prosper her and not to harm her.

When she was barely seven years old, she was carrying a large basket lid (much bigger than her tiny frame) full of fruits along the creek path. Think about this! A seven year old carrying the day's items to sell at the market. It would help to put dinner on the table and whatever other needs they may have like water. This was more than a bundle of fruits, it was the family's very well-being. 

The straw lid became unbalanced and the fruit began to topple out. It was a large burden to carry.  She tried frantically to retrieve every piece of fruit, but lost her balance as well and began to struggle to stay above the water that was stealing away each piece of hope. She soon became overcome with water. Two men who were passing by noticed a head of hair in the water and one said, "no, that's not hair, it's just tree bark" and wanted to continue to walk along the creek bank giving the other one a hard time. But, the insistent one reached down and pulled up her little body that had been overcome with water. He began to try to expel the water from her stomach and lungs. His friend ran for help. They were able to get her to a hospital where she recoverd slowly, yet fully for a solid month. The cost was a great burden for her family. The pressure on her parents was too great. Her father took her to an orphanage to give her up and then he left her mother for another woman. Her mother didn't speak a word of any of it. Everyone thought that she must've died.

She grew up in an orphanage that gave her a good education, food and shared with her the stories of Jesus. They taught her to love and think of others first. They taught her to work through any and all daily trials no matter how small or big. They taught her that she had a reason to live. She was created for a purpose. 

I asked her if she ever sees her mother or father now that she's grown up and has kids of her own. She shared with me that she does indeed spend time regularly with her father. I asked her if it was hard to love him now. She said, "no, I forgave him a long time ago. I know that he could have thrown me to the trash, but he didn't. I'm grateful for that."

It was that simple answer that baffles my mind. I don't know how easily those words would flow out of my mouth. I don't know how grateful I could really be. But, she is sincerely grateful. I wish you could all see her face. Maybe sometime I'll get her permission to print her name and show you a picture of her.  Know that she is just as beautiful on the outside as she is on the inside.

This amazing woman was once an orphan, but found her home in Him. She found these verses to be true in her life and gives Him all the glory: 

"Sing to God, sing praises to His name; lift up a song to Him who rides through the deserts; His name is the Lord; exult before Him! Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in His holy habitation. God settles the solitary in a home; He leads out the prisoners to prosperity, but the rebellious dwell in a parched land..." Psalm 68

She has grown up in and is now the director of an orphanage that houses over a dozen children in Callebasse. Their ages range from 3 to 23. We were able to meet several of them as they were coming in from their school day. As I talk with her again soon, I'll ask her for more stories of what it was really like to grow up an orphan. But, I have a feeling that it'll be story after story of grace and forgiveness.

Let's take a look at what's coming out of our mouths. Where's it coming from? We neeed to take a real look at our hearts.  "...For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." Matthew 12

This is Haiti - Weekend Getaway

There's a saying around here that is the ANSWER to many-a-shrugged-shoulder moments we have regularly... "this is Haiti!" We find ourselves asking "why" or "why not" or "what..."!? And the answer is always, "this is Haiti!" I first heard of it through a comment from my Facebook status. Renee Dietrich (from Wings of Hope - Haiti) commented on one of my status', "TIH" and I googled and asked around not wanting to admit I didn't know... I think it was Brynna who figured it out.

We just arrived home from an overnight ministry trip that took us a couple hours away. It was an adventure and we had a lot of fun moments. We took Erin with us from Godet (Heart of God Haiti). (Are y'all pronouncing that correctly now? "Go-day"). On the way home, just barely above Port-Au-Prince, as we were going over a speed bump, the engine died. Me, Brynna, Erin and Chris all hopped out and helped to push the car to try to pop the clutch. Oh, my! Was that a funny site! Erin tells me the teenagers at the gas station were routing for us chanting, "pouse, pouse, pouse!" (Pronounced "poo-zay" meaning "push"!) Yes, I was wearing a skirt!

We couldn't get it popped - we were pushing it up hill. What else do you do in Haiti? It's either up hill or down hill... So, us girls stood at the gas station while Chris continued to push it around the corner and down the next street. Soon enough, they got it started and came back for us. And we were on our way. Chris had time to swallow a bottle of water and wipe the sweat off his head before we were pulling off to the side of the road... with an engine that was overheating. And the guys on the street were pointing and letting us know that we were in trouble, too. There was no doubt. We were not going anywhere fast.

By this time, it was about 2:30 or so in the afternoon. We were all hot and sweaty and crammed in the little tiny car and all trying to make the best of it. And boy did we ever. We were so thankful that where we pulled off the road was a nicer street just barely outside of Port-Au-Prince, it was shady, and there was a street vendor who was very happy that we were broke down because we bought at least 7 drinks from them!

See the street vendor on the upper left? They had iced drinks for sale! Hallelujah!!! See the shade? Thank You Lord!!

There was SO many mercies that the Lord gave us today. We could have easily broke down where that gas station was that we were popping the clutch... and it could have become dangerous for us. We could have broken down closer to the ocean and been very, very hot and humid! It was hot, but not miserable. We could have broken down further up the mountain where there wasn't a safe sidewalk to pull off and have room to actually fix the car! The Lord just completely gave us a very good situation to be in that could have easily been bad. So, for being broken down, we were very well taken care of.

Our first helper stopped in to access the situation. He went to grab some water to help us cool the engine down. It was spraying and sputtering. As we stood around waiting for several minutes, I thought I'd try to talk with him.

Our "Waterboy" Evanson

I asked him in Kreyole what his name is, "kijan ou rele?"

He answered in English, "my name is Evanson."

I laughed, "you speak English?"

I continued, "mwen rele Jen."

He answered, "no, not really."

I answered him, "mwen, pale Kreyole, tou piti" meaning I speak tiny bit Kreyole.

Water that Evanson brought us after walking for quite some time.

After letting the engine cool down a bit, waiting for Evanson to come back with water, the guys investigated and found that there was a belt that was ripped, torn, shredded... however you want to say it. That's my "Jen" version. Sorry guys.

Evanson discovering the shredded belt and then proceeding to fix it with a tree limb!

Another hour passes by... and we sit and watch and wait and wonder how this will end. Evanson tried with all his energy to persuade the belt to go back on the track and take us up to Pettionville where we may have a better chance of finding a new belt and getting it fixed completely. Not sure if it was possible to use a twig to re-attach a belt, but believing anything was possible, we watched and all shook our heads in unison, "this is Haiti!"

This tree branch was used in multiple ways today!

Evanson used this tree branch to fetch tools that were dropped under the car. I used it later to sweep away a busted glass bottle that fell out of the backend of the car as they jacked it up. Not sure WHY exactly they'd jack up the back driver's side tire to work on a belt in the engine. The only answer to why they jacked up the back left tire is: this is Haiti!

Evanson in yellow. Guy in brown quickly became the "boss" and took over the job. Cut off shirt was the moto driver.

I can't even begin to tell you how many hours went by or how many times the phrase, "this is Haiti!" came out of our mouths, but I can tell you that a few Haitian strangers stopped and tried everything they could think of to get us back on the road. I'll spare you the half a dozen times that the "boss" would run up or down the road to borrow another tool from a friend and return to only find another part he needed removed.

There was a little quarreling between the moto guy and the "boss" because he wanted paid as soon as he did his part - drive the boss to the auto parts store to purchase a new belt. But, we just watched and listened. Fascinating to say the least. But, it was only the moto guy that was acting ugly. The boss man just told him how it was going to be and he didn't have any other choice. The moto guy left in a huff. But, after awhile returned and collected his share of the profit after they got change.

They ran into a few more snags along the way and we began to become concerned that it was getting too late in the afternoon to be stuck on the side of the road. The sun would be going down and the streets would no longer be safe for us. At 4:15 Chris called Frankie to come pick us up. At least the girls could be on their way up the mountain. We knew it'd take over an hour to get down to us.

So, we employed a boss, the waterboy and the moto driver. The total time for this changing of the belt took just over 4 hours. The total cost was $20 US and our Haitian pastor friend, Arnold who was driving us assured us that they had made a very good profit today.

We made it safely back up to our apartment, all four of us showered and shared the responsibility of cooking dinner to set down and eat JUST as the sun was setting. We splurged and plugged the lamp into the rechargeable battery pack to light the table. We enjoyed spaghetti noodles and sauce with fresh diced onions and bread we toasted in the frying pan lightly spread with olive oil and Mrs. Dash Garlic seasoning. As Chris prayed before we ate, he thanked God that He gave us so many undeserved mercies today and prayed for Arnold's safety as he made it all the way back to his home.

Just as we sat down in the living room after cleaning up from supper, Gramps Skype video called us! That was fun to see his face and Kaylene's and even a hint of a gerbil in the back ground. The kids were all tucked away safe in their beds (Marcus and Skylar). We talked about trying to Skype again next Sunday night and see if we can call Brian, too. (My brother in Delaware.)

Now, it's 10:34 PM. Erin went to bed a couple hours ago. I think we wore her out. It sure was great to be able to have this time with her. We laughed and cried together last night. (Well, you know it was me doing the crying). It's a lot of fun learning this culture together with someone else who loves this culture and these people. I told her I was really going to cry when she left in November. And I believe all three of us will! She's served 2 years up on the mountain with those precious 18 kids and now she's helping us to learn all we can while she's here.

The electric just kicked on for a couple seconds, but then back off again... so, we're not sure if we will have the privilege of receiving charge tonight on our devices or not. We'll just be thankful for whatever we get... because this is Haiti!

Re-Entry Haze

After leaving the funeral burial we went back to Quinton and Rachael's apartment to try to eat some lunch. Brynna and Josiah drove through Chick Fil A so she could get her fix. Chris could only eat half a sandwich. Life has been such a blur since we got that phone call in the middle of the night. 

We were heading to the burial at just after 2:00 in the afternoon. The funeral began at 11:00 AM. It was packed. People were standing in the back. Nabeel would have been so proud. He never would have believed all the people that took the day off work or drove for hours to be there to pay their last respects. I wish I could tell him that Mike Collins drove in from Huntington, West Virginia. Brent Gambrell drove from Nashville, Tennessee. As well as the many, many former youlth from 1999. It was quite a reunion. And there's many more I don't even know about! 

Pastor Rick and Linda graciously drove us from Louisville to Bowling Green to meet Greg and Thomas. It was so good to spend those short hours with Rick and Linda. What a bond we have with them. We have known them since our boys were exatly three years old. We'd stay the night at the Young's and Greg would drop us off at the airport early in the morning "on his way to work"...

(Please pray for Pastor Rick and Linda and the entire staff at Ormsby Heights Baptist Church. It's going to be one huge void that they will be learning to live without. They have lots of emotions to work through. And they will have to make some hard decisions on hiring, I'm sure. I can't even imagine working in the office again withouth Nabeel. They'll be living it day in and day out. Pray for Pastor Rick as he leads and shepherds His flock. Pray that The Lord gives him wisdom and strength.)

Tammy cooked us up a huge meal for dinner that night in White House, Tennessee. It was breakfast and perfect for our fragile tummies!! I have dreamed about it a time or two these past few days. Brandon & Amber and Emma joined us for supper and then the rest of the Church at Pleasant Grove joined us afterwards for fellowship and then prayed us out. We had two visitors who were welcomed with open arms - Andy and Emi Nash. 

The "church" circled around us and prayed long and hard and specific prayers. Wow! We love them! We don't know what we'd do without their prayer support. Soon after, we were handed a bowl of Jeni's Splendid Ice Cream - Askinoise!!! Wow!! It was scrumptious as ever. Our friends started leaving and going home. We were left in the living room with the idea of prolonging our stay. A friend wanted to give us that option... to stay in the states for 4-5 more days and catch our breath. Chris called and got online and tried everything to make it work for the next two hours. Needless to say, it just was not meant to be. We had prayed and prayed and nothing worked out.

Earlier in the week, Brynna's handsome young man friend, Thomas, paid the extra to get her stay extended. So, we left her behind in the care of Greg and Tammy whom she describes as even stricter than us. 

As I found my seat and got settled at 5:45 AM on a US Airways flight, I looked up at the line that had stopped passing me by and recognized a face!! I stood up and hugged her neck!! It was an adoptive momma who I had met and sat and talked with for a long time at Emily Scott's going away party. She  

had never been to Haiti and this was her first time. She said to me, "I can't even begin to explain to you how much it means to me that you are going to be traveling with me today!"

After we landed in Charlotte she apologized that she was the reason that we didn't get to stay. We laughed and assured her that we were thrilled to be able to introduce her to Haiti. Because we were. What an honor! We journeyed with her all the way to Port-Au-Prince. Helped carry her bags until she met up with her driver. 

Ever since we've made it back up on this hill we've been kinda in a haze... kinda glazed over... the city electric has been OFF. They ran into some issue in hanging new lines. So, I've literally not taken a shower since the day of the funeral. No hot water. No lights. No conveniences. The landlord has run the generator an hour or so here or there so that we were able to get charged back up. I'm just not sure when our bodies will be charged back up. Dealing with a sudden death zaps everything out of you. If we are operating at half capacity, I can only imagine what Rachel, his wife, is operating on. Please, please, please be in prayer for her. She's a strong woman of God. But, it doesn't matter how strong of a believer you are - you still need prayers to make it through gracefully. We're all still human. And our bodies still process grief differently.

Everything seems to just be moving a little slower. I think getting a taste of convenience and luxury in the US again only pushed me back a step. Pray for me as I try to push one foot in front of another again and again.

We are headed back down the hill today to meet a small team and pick up Brynna at the airport. Chris will be heading to Grand Goave for a few days with them and us girls will head back up the hill. We have Kreyole lessons tomorrow and hope to see the kids at Godet while Chris is away. I can't wait to introduce all 18 of them to you. They are precious! 

We'll be going to stay at a possible future housing location this weekend. Part of Chris' role here in country is to be scouting out new places and new partnerships. And it's exciting to be able to be on the front lines with him. 

Continue to pray for us as we rub shoulders with the Haitian population. Pray that God will continue to sweep in and give hope to the hurting, healing to the broken, strength to the weak and wisdom to those who seek His will.

We love you all! Thank you for your continued prayers and support.

Verse of the Day: 

"I will lie down and sleep in peace, for You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety." 

Psalm 4:8

And the Tears Continue to Fall Loud

I just can't believe that I posted a blog title, "And the Tears Began to Fall" just a few hours before going to bed and waking up in the middle of a nightmare. 

We awoke at 2:11 AM on Saturday morning to a phone call from Joel (El-farrah). I knew his voice instantly. Chris was rubbing his eyes and sitting up in bed to try to wake up and hear what he was trying to say. I'll never forget the words I heard, "Chris, man, did you hear what's going on?" And the very first thing that came to my mind (in black and white slow motion) was a picture of bombs dropping on the US. Chris shook his head and managed to utter the words, "no, what?" as Joel continued, "they're taking Nabeel to the hospital. He's unresponsive. I just thought you should know man. I'm sorry for calling. Rick's there, the ambulance is there." Chris managed to come up with the words, "Ok, ok, ok man. We're praying. We're praying. Call us when you know more." We made our way to the couch and prayed and waited and prayed and waited.  And wondered. And tried to wake ourselves up from this nightmare. We just couldn't wrap our minds around this at all. It didn't make sense. The doctors could do so much to revive people nowadays. That had to be the answer. I just kept arguing with God in my mind. Sophia is just a baby! Rachel doesn't have a grey hair on her head! This just doesn't make sense. I'm just sure that they'll be able to help his heart to beat again.

I iMessaged Rick and Linda since I knew they were right there in the midst of it all from Joel's call. No response. I iMessaged Joel. No response. I looked on my "find my friends" app and saw Rachael was at the hospital. Oh, good. I was so glad that she was able to be there with the family during this time. I iMessaged her. No response. Joel called, "they were unsuccessful in reviving him man, he's gone." In the middle of the night, my brain just couldn't comprehend this news. You start asking stupid questions, hoping that you'll get different answers than you're mind thinks it's hearing. "Unsuccessful"? What's that mean exactly. Unsuccessful? Doctors today can do more with getting a heart to beat again than ever before! Rick texted, "he didn't make it." Rachael texted, "he's gone." None of this could our human brains even begin to digest. The only thing that made sense was that he was absent from the body and present with Christ. We couldn't figure out how or why. We could only hold on to that hope. The things of earth no longer mattered to him. He was in the presence of Jesus, the King of kings and The Lord of lords. We could but only imagine, but he could see everything with his own eyes now.

I woke Brynna up and brought her into the living room. We gave her the bad news as we were still trying to catch our breath. We all just sat on the couch in the dark in disbelief. Wishing someone would wake us up and rescue us from this. 

We got a Whats App message from Josiah at 4:11 AM, "I love you dad," Hope you're doing okay. I can't sleep. Q called."

Chris: "I can't sleep either."

Josiah: "Yeah, missing you all."

Chris: "Missing you, too... want to sit and talk and cry together."

Josiah:"Me too dad"

Chris: "We can skype if you want"

So, through the miracles of technology we were able to spend some "FaceTime" with our son as the sun began to rise on the day. The three of us in Haiti bundled up on the couch shivering with disbelief and Josiah huddled down in his basement in Louisville talking in hushed tones as to not wake Aunt Sandra.

We laughed and cried and shared stories of years full of memories. Loud memories. Because Nabeel lived his life OUT LOUD. There was nothing subtle about the guy. But, he was super sensitive. I couldn't be as real as I wanted to be most times with him because he took everything straight to his heart and thought hard about it. Words meant a whole lot to him. And I am careless with my words sometimes. So, we didn't make the best in communicating. But, he and Chris could communicate without even using words. I can't even begin to count the hours that they spent together. I hope that maybe I can get Chris to write out a blog telling of his relationship with Nabeel soon. 

It's still just not real. Even though we stood at the funeral home for almost 8 hours crying and laughing and remembering loud times with Nabeel with TONS of people. We went to sleep, woke up and attended his funeral. We walked away from the casket with all his family and friends one last time and it still hasn't sunk in. We are so very thankful that we were able to fly home to be with our Ormsby faith family during these few days. Thankful for the freedom from BGM - a door to hope to take some time off. Thankful for the staff and faith family who welcomed us back with open arms. Thankful we were able to hold precious baby Sophia in our arms and laugh through tears as she would smile and Nabeel would SHINE through her. Thankful to be able to hold Rachel tight and whisper our love and support to her. God! It's just not fair! Nabeel was only 31.

My initial thought was, "well, of all the days of the year, I think Nabeel would have liked this one...the one chosen for him to to enter Glory: October 4th... may the fourth be with you!" I could hear him laughing in my head. I kept trying to picture him and all the crazy stories he would say, but  the ONLY other words I could recall Nabeel saying (and picture in my head clearly) with every ounce of his being, with both hands clenched and in the air in surrender were, "I would give my life for that! I would. I would give my life for my dad to know Jesus personally. I would give my life for that." As much as I've tried over the last few days to recall instances of times with him, that just keeps echoing in my mind. So, that's what I started praying. "Lord, draw Mahammad unto Yourself. Knock at his hearts door. Keep knocking. Knock loud! Invite him in to a personal relationship with You. Soften his heart for You Lord. And not to justify Nabeel's death, but to bring glory to You. For You alone are worthy."

Leaving Brynna in Nashville for a few extra days, Chris and I are sitting beside each other on a plane heading back to Haiti still in shock. Chris is finally catching a few winks of sleep as they have passed out our refreshments. We are exhausted. We are headed back to Haiti to work with the people that Nabeel loved so dearly. He was planning a trip with his school this spring break. We noticed that one student wrote on FaceBook that they intend to follow through and go on that trip. I pray that they do. We'll do all that we can to show them the Haiti that he adored and to continue to grieve with them remembering all the great times with Nabeel. And I hope to be able to share more later. Just kinda wanted to update everyone on our silence... 

Please pray for Rachel, Nabeel's bride, the love of his life, the answer to all of our prayers. Widowed entirely too young.

Pray for Sophia, his 5 month old daughter. Their little miracle. You can't look into her eyes and catch her smile without catching a glimpse of him. We're pretty sure she's destined to live out loud, too!

Pray for his parents, Joy and Mahammad. And his brothers, Joel and Micah and sister, Mahannah. Pray for Joel's kids Nathan, Abbigail and Lydia. 

Pray for Ormsby Heights Baptist Church's Pastor Rick and Linda and the entire staff. Pray for the Contemporary Worship Ministry, the Praise Team and the Student Ministry which he worked very closely with. 

Pray for Beth Haven Christian School where he taught. He loved his students immensely.

Pray for our family. Separated by an ocean. It's hard. 

Pray for Haiti - for hope and healing.

And the Tears Fell (Forty two days in)

Forty two days on the ground and seventy three to go. Today the tears fell long and hard for the first time. The emotions have been building and building in my heart and today they finally reached the bubbling over point. I couldn't stop them from gushing down my cheeks. I felt so bad for Peterson as as he greeted us near the tap-tap station for a quick "market trip" this morning. He literally thought that I was hurt or someone in my family had been hurt. (Come on people… 42 days! I could be congratulated. That’s a long time! I’m sure some of you lost bets on that one.)

 Yesterday, Chris went on an overnight trip for ministry meetings to Jacmel and Grand Goave near the shore. It was the girls first night at home without him. We woke up to no power again… for the 46th straight hour. So, we loaded up our devices and took them to our missionary friends’ home to get some charge. Then we headed to our private Kreyole lessons with Erin (from Godet). She comes to our house one day a week and we feed her lunch. Since we were out of town last week we asked if we could have two days this week. So, we offered to buy her lunch at the BHM. We were running a little late, but laughed about it saying, “well, we’re on Haiti time anyhow.” and then got a text from Erin that she was running late, too. That’s one of the best things about being here. Haiti time. Everyone’s on it. No one is uptight about timing. It’s a different world than what we lived with in the US. Very different. I haven’t had any stress headaches or gotten uptight about scheduling for the most part - just gone with the flow.

 We ran into Simon and then Mathieu (Blessings Productions) and Trey and Chelsea and baby Colby and chatted for a bit. Erin was there and we grabbed lunch and scarfed it down. (Remember the BHM has been closed for 2 weeks and we’ve DEARLY missed it and the good food we can get there.) Erin pulled out her white board and wrote sentences for us and new vocabulary words. It was a great time of learning and before we knew it it was 3:45. We ran down to pick up our charging devices and then Erin walked us home. She came in and we enjoyed some hot tea and played a couple card games and banana grams. We then ate pbjs for dinner and watched the sun disappear along with all the light we had available. We were face timing Rachael for a good while and then Thomas and fam. We had to use our cellphones flashlights to light us enough to even be seen on FaceTime on our iPad. When we got done face timing Brynna talked me into playing her new card game online with our friend that we met on the Grand Goave team, Doug. Before we even yawned we realized it was 11:35 and we were probably the only ones awake on this mountain! Electric came on around 11:40 and then was gone by 2:17 when I woke up in the night to use the restroom. Of course, I didn’t sleep well without Chris, but I slept better than I expected. Brynna said it was the best night sleep yet as she slept in his spot. This morning we awoke and prepared to head out to meet Peterson for a quick market trip before heading up to Godet to visit with the kids we’ve missed so much. (He was heading up to Godet to refill the propane and water supplies.) I read our verse for the day as we were about to walk out the door:

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: 

just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. 

By this all people will know that you are my disciples, 

if you have love for one another." 

John 13:34-35 

 As we walked down to the gate I was singing that song from children's church in my head, "this is my commandment that you love one another, that your joy may be full." We couldn't find Jerrard anywhere to let us out the gate. So, we were debating on what to do. I called Joseph, our landlord's son's phone, but he didn't answer. We knew it would be a quick trip to the market, but hated to leave it unlocked. As we exited our gate Brynna and I both kinda stepped back hesitating as we could hear some loud, anger-filled words blaring from a man's mouth to the left of us. Running through my mind: "Would we be in danger? What in the world was he saying?" As we swiftly crossed the street we could see the ladies in front of us and all around us looking back to see what the commotion was. They seemed to be pretty concerned, but not enough to run or stop and help solve the situation. We were walking ahead of the man who was so angry and we seemed to be just far enough ahead to not be able to lay eyes on him. By the time we passed the water/gas/coca store we had shaken off the threat from our minds. We were walking at a pretty good pace. I was worried because we left our gate unlocked and worried because I didn't pinpoint the night before a meeting place with Peterson. So, I pulled my phone out and called him. He said to meet at the tap-tap station. So, as we passed the car wash I was making a fresh list of what we needed to purchase. At the same time, I was also trying to make some sense in my mind of why there were so many dogs in Haiti and why the Haitians don't love them like we Americans do. There was a dog walking alongside us wagging his tail. Probably one I've tried to whisper love to along the road many a time. When we were in Grand Goave last week we loved hanging out with Boo. We told him every day how fortunate he was, how unusual it was for dogs to get any respect let alone any food, love or affection in Haiti. I don't think he could completely understand what we were trying to tell him. At the job site there were two teeny tiny chihuahua Haitian dogs that couldNOT have weighed 3 lbs each. They were a pitiful sight. Absolutely could have been on those commercials for neglected animals. Dogs in Haiti are running the streets all day and all night searching for ANY piece of food and ANY drop of water possible. During the day I've seen moto drivers and auto drivers swerve or honk to scare the dogs out of their minds. I've even tried to befriend our guard dogs here at the apartment. Their names are Romeo and Juliette and they don't know how to play or take a compliment or receive any affection from us. Partly, I'm glad because they keep watch day and night, but partly, I'd just like to tell them that they are loved and wanted.

Be glad you can't see the backside of this puppy.
It was sheer bones and very incredibly sad.
God, have mercy on these little bones!

Just then a man who was walking about 10 feet ahead of us jerked around suddenly and stomped HARD on the dog's foot that was walking on the road. The dog yelped, cried out, then whined and limped off to the side. Well, that was all I could take. I wanted to bust that man up the side of the head with my fist and then give him my other fist and scream at him! There was absolutely no purpose in him doing that. The dog was just walking along minding it's own business.

Then my mind began to swirl together all these thoughts, feelings and even that song, "this is my commandment that you love one another" and my heart began to overflow with emotions. And my heart and my mind came to a huge crescendo. I was so angry. I was so sad. I was so broken. I was livid. But, what good would that do to sling my whole entire body weight into my fist upside that man's head?! It definitely wouldn't prove that I was His disciple as in the verse of the day. It would not display His love. That was not the way. The people knew us when we walked down the street. We were the missionaries. The blan who came to bring Good News and share hope for eternity. I'm sure from my neck up I looked as red as a tomato. At some point Brynna noticed Peterson on down the street and pointed me towards him. I tried to stop the tears, but they were involuntary tears. I couldn't dry them up even after Peterson reached out and grabbed my hands and stared deep into my soul to try to figure out who had been hurt in our family. I apologized to him for being so emotional, but I'd held it in for so long. He seemed to understand where I was coming from and was so relieved that I wasn't hurt or anyone in my family.

It's Friday night. The lights are ON! We are all back together and going to play some mexican trains. Hoping the water in the hot water tank will be ready in a couple hours for us to take showers before bed. I'm not sure when I last showered... I know it's been a good while since I shaved my legs... Melanie JUST sent me this picture that Blake took at Brynna's birthday party. Looks like SOMEone's in need of a good leg shaving!! But, it's not really me! It's Chris' legs with my skirt. LOL!!

Chester, the dog and my legs that areNOT that... bad.

Talking about shaving legs...

Tomorrow we are invited to a sweet little girls' jungle birthday party at precisely 6:45 PM. We have one little gift, but wish we could find more for her. There wasn't much to be had at the market today. She can be seen standing beside Brynna as she opened her birthday gifts last week. Her name is Blake. Isn't she precious? Would you pray with us for her and her family as they celebrate her birthday this weekend and continue to serve the Lord here in Haiti.

P.S. And then there's that other little tune that goes, "they'll know we are Christian by our love, by our love. They'll know we are Christians by our love." Please continue to pray for our safety and for our walk. Pray that our walk would match our talk. It would have been very easy for me to destroy any credibility we had today. Pray that we always shine His light, His love. Pray that we continue to fall deeper in love with Him and Haiti.